This past year has been full of vivid dreams that have a lot of meaning
Last night i dreamt that my work team and myself flew to DC right before the blizzard hit. While sight seeing, it was night time and all the sudden there were searchlights pointing to the sky. I was the only one from my group that looked up to see that. Then 4 planes were visible and looked like they were moving outward from the same point of origin in the sky. Then one started falling out of the sky with its lights flickering. It crashed and went up in flames. The next plane flickered and crashed. The other two planes followed suit. It was devastating to see this and I knew that the planes were hijacked via planned tech failure. I return to work the next day and vowed never to fly on a plane again. People at work wouldn't believe me and didn't take the crashes to heart like I did. I couldn't function at work. I couldn't pay attention to anything. I found out on the news the next morning that one of the planes that fell from the sky was the president's plane.
It was a very sobering, scary, sad dream....
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Sinister Dreams
I have had several different dreams about my Dad since he passed away. I felt the need to write them down lest I forget in the future.
I will probably edit this post several times to write them all down but here is one of the most recent ones I had...it was also the most disturbing.
Bobby and I were back in the Tophill house talking in the family room. At this point Dad was already dead and buried in Utah. As we were talking, I hear the sound of my dad's coughing echoing from his bedroom into the family area. I look at Bobby and tell him we need to see if my Dad is ok. We go into my dad's bedroom, we hear the hacking again, I come closer towards the opposite side of the bed and a demonic woman with dark skin, flesh hanging off her skeleton, whips back the covers on the bed. She laughs and gets out of the bed and goes into the master bathroom, lurking there. Her laughter was because she tricked us to go into the bedroom. Hiding there in the bathroom she stares back with red eyes, I try to leave the room but as soon as I move she jumps out of the bathroom screaming a horrible demonic sound and grabs my arm trying to pull me towards her.
I wake up.
Scariest, most disturbing dream I've ever had.
I will probably edit this post several times to write them all down but here is one of the most recent ones I had...it was also the most disturbing.
Bobby and I were back in the Tophill house talking in the family room. At this point Dad was already dead and buried in Utah. As we were talking, I hear the sound of my dad's coughing echoing from his bedroom into the family area. I look at Bobby and tell him we need to see if my Dad is ok. We go into my dad's bedroom, we hear the hacking again, I come closer towards the opposite side of the bed and a demonic woman with dark skin, flesh hanging off her skeleton, whips back the covers on the bed. She laughs and gets out of the bed and goes into the master bathroom, lurking there. Her laughter was because she tricked us to go into the bedroom. Hiding there in the bathroom she stares back with red eyes, I try to leave the room but as soon as I move she jumps out of the bathroom screaming a horrible demonic sound and grabs my arm trying to pull me towards her.
I wake up.
Scariest, most disturbing dream I've ever had.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Life doesn't pause for the dead
My thoughts have been so scrambled this past month. I'm such a mixed bag of emotions. I have been so scatter brained and all over the place...I'm just starting to gain my focus back at work. There are moments where I still want to burst into tears at work but have to remind myself to shut off my emotions until 5:00pm hits...so unnatural and mentally unhealthy to be unable to grieve when you need to.
Its been almost three weeks since my father's death. So many painful memories that were necessary for some sort of closure...
I felt so guilty leaving him that last week for Colorado...so much that I was seriously considering cancelling our travel plans to go skiing with our friends. Kj however insisted I take a break and go have a good time. I reluctantly left that night for our 15 hour drive through Kansas and west into Colorado, silently crying that night in the passenger seat as I looked up at the starry night sky in the plains of Kansas...pondering the loneliness of our world and how my life started by such an incredibly miniscule chance...
Every day in Colorado I would cry myself to sleep after talking to Kj, Nikki, Char, or Tiffany and thinking of how alone Dad is without his brothers, sisters, or parents there. I took great comfort in knowing that Nikki was with Kj that weekend or else I would've taken the next flight back home to help Kj take care of Dad.
After a 15 hour drive home that following Tuesday, March 3rd, I stopped at Dad's house to pick up my car for work on our last leg back home to our apartment. I stopped to see Kj and Nikki and they were both exhausted. I was exhausted too after such a long drive, but I was wired from sudden midnight jokes with our friends on the drive home that I knew I could stay up that night to care for Dad to let Nikki get some good rest and Kj was ok with me waking her up if I had any questions or needed help.
That night it was too dark for me to truly see his form, but I knew he was much weaker than before... Kj told me in the living room about 2:00 am that he didn't have long to live..maybe two days... and that was all. I told her I needed to go into work in the morning to at least explain to my boss what the situation was and request time off/bereavement. I didn't want my boss to think that I was just wanting an extended vacation and was still in Colorado.
Around 3:00am that same morning, I was sitting on the floor by his bed staring into the darkness trying to think of what will happen in the days ahead. Then dad started puking up bile...about 1/2-1 cup worth and it was the most harrowing, disgusting smell I had encountered in my life... I couldn't bear to look at the color of it...I just knew it was dark. I then went into the kitchen and washed out the spit cup and sat back down with dad...As the dawn approached I was able to see that the bile he was spitting was almost black... mixed with blood. The spit ups occurred about 8 times that night... He always kept saying he was ok when I came up with the spit cup, but then sometimes he wasn't ok and it would start dripping onto his pillow and himself before I could get to him in time...It was such a sad sight to see he couldn't lift his head anymore or bother to handle his mess.
I think once KJ came down to be with him, he just lost the will to live. He knew it was the end. I will always be so grateful to KJ and Nikki for taking care of him 24/7 for the past 6 days while I was out of town.
So, after that first eye-opening night I went into work that morning, and I had every intention of telling my boss in person what was going on, but he was asking me what I needed via IM, so I just delved into it and sent it to him. He then wanted to talk in person, so I went upstairs and told him what was going on...It was so difficult for me not to cry in front of him. My voice was super high pitched and I couldn't go into much detail or I would just break down in front of him. He was so understanding and told me to just leave for the day and take the rest of the week off and communicate to him later with a status update.
After leaving work, I went home to pick up blankets and extra things we would be needing at the house as my grandparents were arriving that afternoon, and Char later that evening. I dreaded going back to Dad's house but knew it needed to be done...I just wanted to escape the depressing reality of my father actively dying in his bed. When I got back to Dad's, Aunt Debbie and Cousin Elizabeth arrived within minutes--I hadn't seen them in over 10 years... It was great to see them. Once Dad could hear that Debbie was there, he wanted to get out of bed and go to the living room. Kj and Nikki and to pull him up and walk him to the living room together. I finally saw his form since had seen him 7 days past and he looked like a holocaust victim...Just skin and bones, he looked like death itself. I wondered how he managed to stay alive in this condition and how he was even able to get out of bed. He did his best to act normal (as always). He asked for root beer and cocktail ice--his last beverage in his life. Soon though he couldn't handle sitting in the recliner and had to lay on the couch and fell asleep.
Then Grandma and Grandpa arrived. Dad immediately reverted back to childhood and called out for Mommy and that he was ready for his burial plot. Grandma was shocked by his appearance that she started crying as Kj and Nikki took him back to his bedroom to sleep.
I tried to get some shut eye that afternoon, which was really really needed. I woke up that evening to a snow storm and had to drive down I35 on the slick road and a bajillion pot holes to get to Dallas Love Airport. It was so wonderful to see Char again and here in Texas too! On the drive back and tried to prepare her the best I could at Dad's condition so she wouldn't be so shocked. I think that might have helped a bit.
Char's Blog pretty much sums up everything else that happened...I will soon edit this page and quote most of her story here...
Its been almost three weeks since my father's death. So many painful memories that were necessary for some sort of closure...
I felt so guilty leaving him that last week for Colorado...so much that I was seriously considering cancelling our travel plans to go skiing with our friends. Kj however insisted I take a break and go have a good time. I reluctantly left that night for our 15 hour drive through Kansas and west into Colorado, silently crying that night in the passenger seat as I looked up at the starry night sky in the plains of Kansas...pondering the loneliness of our world and how my life started by such an incredibly miniscule chance...
Every day in Colorado I would cry myself to sleep after talking to Kj, Nikki, Char, or Tiffany and thinking of how alone Dad is without his brothers, sisters, or parents there. I took great comfort in knowing that Nikki was with Kj that weekend or else I would've taken the next flight back home to help Kj take care of Dad.
After a 15 hour drive home that following Tuesday, March 3rd, I stopped at Dad's house to pick up my car for work on our last leg back home to our apartment. I stopped to see Kj and Nikki and they were both exhausted. I was exhausted too after such a long drive, but I was wired from sudden midnight jokes with our friends on the drive home that I knew I could stay up that night to care for Dad to let Nikki get some good rest and Kj was ok with me waking her up if I had any questions or needed help.
That night it was too dark for me to truly see his form, but I knew he was much weaker than before... Kj told me in the living room about 2:00 am that he didn't have long to live..maybe two days... and that was all. I told her I needed to go into work in the morning to at least explain to my boss what the situation was and request time off/bereavement. I didn't want my boss to think that I was just wanting an extended vacation and was still in Colorado.
Around 3:00am that same morning, I was sitting on the floor by his bed staring into the darkness trying to think of what will happen in the days ahead. Then dad started puking up bile...about 1/2-1 cup worth and it was the most harrowing, disgusting smell I had encountered in my life... I couldn't bear to look at the color of it...I just knew it was dark. I then went into the kitchen and washed out the spit cup and sat back down with dad...As the dawn approached I was able to see that the bile he was spitting was almost black... mixed with blood. The spit ups occurred about 8 times that night... He always kept saying he was ok when I came up with the spit cup, but then sometimes he wasn't ok and it would start dripping onto his pillow and himself before I could get to him in time...It was such a sad sight to see he couldn't lift his head anymore or bother to handle his mess.
I think once KJ came down to be with him, he just lost the will to live. He knew it was the end. I will always be so grateful to KJ and Nikki for taking care of him 24/7 for the past 6 days while I was out of town.
So, after that first eye-opening night I went into work that morning, and I had every intention of telling my boss in person what was going on, but he was asking me what I needed via IM, so I just delved into it and sent it to him. He then wanted to talk in person, so I went upstairs and told him what was going on...It was so difficult for me not to cry in front of him. My voice was super high pitched and I couldn't go into much detail or I would just break down in front of him. He was so understanding and told me to just leave for the day and take the rest of the week off and communicate to him later with a status update.
After leaving work, I went home to pick up blankets and extra things we would be needing at the house as my grandparents were arriving that afternoon, and Char later that evening. I dreaded going back to Dad's house but knew it needed to be done...I just wanted to escape the depressing reality of my father actively dying in his bed. When I got back to Dad's, Aunt Debbie and Cousin Elizabeth arrived within minutes--I hadn't seen them in over 10 years... It was great to see them. Once Dad could hear that Debbie was there, he wanted to get out of bed and go to the living room. Kj and Nikki and to pull him up and walk him to the living room together. I finally saw his form since had seen him 7 days past and he looked like a holocaust victim...Just skin and bones, he looked like death itself. I wondered how he managed to stay alive in this condition and how he was even able to get out of bed. He did his best to act normal (as always). He asked for root beer and cocktail ice--his last beverage in his life. Soon though he couldn't handle sitting in the recliner and had to lay on the couch and fell asleep.
Then Grandma and Grandpa arrived. Dad immediately reverted back to childhood and called out for Mommy and that he was ready for his burial plot. Grandma was shocked by his appearance that she started crying as Kj and Nikki took him back to his bedroom to sleep.
I tried to get some shut eye that afternoon, which was really really needed. I woke up that evening to a snow storm and had to drive down I35 on the slick road and a bajillion pot holes to get to Dallas Love Airport. It was so wonderful to see Char again and here in Texas too! On the drive back and tried to prepare her the best I could at Dad's condition so she wouldn't be so shocked. I think that might have helped a bit.
Char's Blog pretty much sums up everything else that happened...I will soon edit this page and quote most of her story here...
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Ready for the next step
Bobby and I are thinking about moving into a rent house after our lease is up. Its only 900 a month and its in Farmers Branch near where Keith and Danielle live. A backyard would be wonderful to have for Star to run around in...but I don't like where this is heading.. I really want to live in Washington..and getting into a rent house is just one more step to take to living in texas permanently which is something i'm not really excited about...but I'm sure Bobby IS happy about.
I know bobby is happy here.. and he does want to move to Washington for the beauty of the landscape...but he just wishes we could move his whole family up there too... I know we will live in Texas for another year at the very least... For Keith's health, and to finish up schooling for our Associate's Degree.
Maybe I'm being selfish..but I love Mom so much and all of my sisters and just want to enjoy life with them in the northwest...
Maybe in another few years.. maybe...maybe not..
I know bobby is happy here.. and he does want to move to Washington for the beauty of the landscape...but he just wishes we could move his whole family up there too... I know we will live in Texas for another year at the very least... For Keith's health, and to finish up schooling for our Associate's Degree.
Maybe I'm being selfish..but I love Mom so much and all of my sisters and just want to enjoy life with them in the northwest...
Maybe in another few years.. maybe...maybe not..
Sunday, April 1, 2012
What's on my mind.
Just saw the Lorax today--very cute movie. I know its juvenile, but I enjoy watching kid movies--I'm still very much a kid at heart and kid movies just make me happy. They always have a good message in it and have spectacular animation shown. The Lorax movie really makes you want to go out there and be a tree hugger. lol.
So Bobby and I dont get our day together today for this week. He's out fishing with his Dad and our friend Neil. (I've tried fishing before and was totally repulsed by it.. So--I dont think i will be trying it again, unless maybe its some open sea fishing.--That would be interesting and not smell so horrible as Lake Lewisville--full of dead bodies and sewage it seems like).
I miss him when I'm off and he's not home. Not that I don't mind time to myself, but I feel an emptiness in me when he's not around and I have nothing better to do than to think about him. I don't want him to feel bad about hanging out with his friend and going fishing with his Dad. Everyone needs other support than just the spouse and its good to keep different relationships going. I wish I had learned that when Bobby and I had first started dating--I feel like I would still have some close old friendships with me, but Bobby became my world when we started dating and I let everything else go.... I wish I still had some friends to hang out with every now and then--It just seems like I'm losing my ability to maintain and encourage friendships--I'm much more interested in reading and getting other personal crafts/projects done than to worry and "waste" my time trying to build a relationship with someone as a friend.
With friendship, I am very fierce about loyalty (which is sometimes stupid) and I get jealous if i'm not their BEST friend at the time. Its childish and stupid--I always feel pressured though to be the best or I'm not worth anything. I know that its totally stupid and not true--but I still feel that way--I always want to be the best at everything I do. I just feel the drive to stop at nothing to be the leader and conquer, you know? I think it might have to do with always seeking approval from Dad...he's an asshole still at heart--but he has softened slightly. I dont know why I subconsciously still seek for his approval--I'm a grown woman with a husband and I am HAPPY WITH IT! but i guess I wish that he was not so...socially awkward and a terrible father so that I could have a somewhat healthy relationship with him. I really wish that.
Sometimes I feel like I mirror him with his social awkwardness at times--mom always had to push Dad to go out with his friends and enjoy some time outside the family--and I feel like I've become a burden to Bobby in that way--that I feel like I have to have someone close to me for me to be able to go out into the abrasive social world and struggle to find the right words to say to someone.
... My sisters may not think that I am socially awkward because I put on a show saying--hey I can do anything and get whatever I want because i'm 'grown up" and self-sufficient. But secretly, its not that case--most of my success comes from my husband and his encouraging words and actions that allow us to have a more financially stable environment....
I just feel that I have a lot of potential--but too afraid/lazy to go forward and truly shine....
I'd rather just sit at home and cross-stitch and be reserved than to go out and try to create a network of success and relationships...
Sorry I know my words are repetitive and somewhat childish writing style...but I just have a need to get out on "paper" whats been on my mind...
So Bobby and I dont get our day together today for this week. He's out fishing with his Dad and our friend Neil. (I've tried fishing before and was totally repulsed by it.. So--I dont think i will be trying it again, unless maybe its some open sea fishing.--That would be interesting and not smell so horrible as Lake Lewisville--full of dead bodies and sewage it seems like).
I miss him when I'm off and he's not home. Not that I don't mind time to myself, but I feel an emptiness in me when he's not around and I have nothing better to do than to think about him. I don't want him to feel bad about hanging out with his friend and going fishing with his Dad. Everyone needs other support than just the spouse and its good to keep different relationships going. I wish I had learned that when Bobby and I had first started dating--I feel like I would still have some close old friendships with me, but Bobby became my world when we started dating and I let everything else go.... I wish I still had some friends to hang out with every now and then--It just seems like I'm losing my ability to maintain and encourage friendships--I'm much more interested in reading and getting other personal crafts/projects done than to worry and "waste" my time trying to build a relationship with someone as a friend.
With friendship, I am very fierce about loyalty (which is sometimes stupid) and I get jealous if i'm not their BEST friend at the time. Its childish and stupid--I always feel pressured though to be the best or I'm not worth anything. I know that its totally stupid and not true--but I still feel that way--I always want to be the best at everything I do. I just feel the drive to stop at nothing to be the leader and conquer, you know? I think it might have to do with always seeking approval from Dad...he's an asshole still at heart--but he has softened slightly. I dont know why I subconsciously still seek for his approval--I'm a grown woman with a husband and I am HAPPY WITH IT! but i guess I wish that he was not so...socially awkward and a terrible father so that I could have a somewhat healthy relationship with him. I really wish that.
Sometimes I feel like I mirror him with his social awkwardness at times--mom always had to push Dad to go out with his friends and enjoy some time outside the family--and I feel like I've become a burden to Bobby in that way--that I feel like I have to have someone close to me for me to be able to go out into the abrasive social world and struggle to find the right words to say to someone.
... My sisters may not think that I am socially awkward because I put on a show saying--hey I can do anything and get whatever I want because i'm 'grown up" and self-sufficient. But secretly, its not that case--most of my success comes from my husband and his encouraging words and actions that allow us to have a more financially stable environment....
I just feel that I have a lot of potential--but too afraid/lazy to go forward and truly shine....
I'd rather just sit at home and cross-stitch and be reserved than to go out and try to create a network of success and relationships...
Sorry I know my words are repetitive and somewhat childish writing style...but I just have a need to get out on "paper" whats been on my mind...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Dreams
I had a really odd dream last night.... It was about both bill and dad.
The entire family, including mom and bill, were all in texas and driving to the cowboys stadium. When we got there, it was like a huge memorandum for dad....but dad was still alive and at the stadium too. All of dad's favorite music was playing loudly from the speakers( the songs I remember are Bread: If; Moody Blues: Knights in White Satin; etc), and it was only the family at the stadium. We went on the turf of the field and there were tables set up with all of dad's childhood memorabilia and there were little programs that you could take that were on black paper with silver writing about the stadium event of dad's memorabilia. As we were walking around the tables I saw all of dad's childhood memories there...old journals, a favorite baseball, and other random things of his.
After that, dad stayed at the stadium and the rest of the family (mom and bill included) drove to farmers branch and stopped by at this glass building. We went inside and all of bill's favorite music was playing (The Beatles; the Eagles: Hotel California) and there were shelfs set up in this smaller room in the building that had all of bill's childhood memorabilia like his journals from his childhood that I actually opened and read...All I remember though was that the writing was all crooked and slanted across the pages..I don't remember what it said.
Bill also had little programs about the event at the building, but they were on white paper with gold writing....
After that I woke up.........
Strange.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The past few weeks
So, I'm very bored today....
For the past few days all i've been doing is laying in bed playing zelda: spirit tracks or cross-stitching. I'm getting very bored of it every day and just dreading as the time goes on that i have to be at work in the next 5 hours....blahhh...
...I miss washington. It was soooooo relaxing and refreshing being up there :) :) there's so much to do and there's never enough time to do it all.
I really truly hope that bobby and i can live there one day...
Anyhow,
We just got a lightly used twin mattress for free from bobby's work.:) we just sanitized it the other day and now all we have to do is wash the sheets bobby used to have on his old bed and use it on this one :) it's in our 2nd bedroom/office area. pretty sweet :) its really comfortable too.
woot.
I made my first cheesecake yesterday for bobby. :) it came out pretty well...not quite all the way solidified, but much sweeter than normal cheesecake which made me like it more. I usually don't like cheesecake very much b/c it tastes kind of sour...blah, but this tasted great. :)
I just bought tiffany's plane tickets for her to come down and see me and bobby. august 2nd thru aug. 8th (mon.-sun.) YAY!!! I'm so excited to see her :) and when she's here, she'll actually have her own room and bed to sleep in!!!! YAY!!!
..I can't believe i'm going to be 20 in a couple weeks...ahhh...I won't be a teenager anymore :( this is weird....I don't like it....:( but i feel so much older than my age too.... ugggh. life is too short.
i really need a new job. I seriously hate mine....i loathe it everyday i come in. I feel like whatever i do, there's always something else that has to get done.....blah.
...I don't really know what else to write about today...i just feel really bored....:(
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Fall 2010 Classes
...SO tuition got a bit pricier this year...humbug!
It cost be about $200 bucks more than last semester..
But--I'm very excited for this semester...it will be a crap ton of work, but it will be fun and interesting! **I HAVE TO MAKE A'S IN ALL OF MY CLASSES!**
TR Classes (T=tuesday/R=Thursday)
8:00-9:30am Chemistry I TR
9:30-11:50am CHEM LAB R
12:30-01:50pm Composition II TR
oh--and get this, I'm taking not one..but TWO online classes...yikes:
ONLINE General Biology I
ONLINE Art Appreciation
...yeah....so-this will be fun and pack filled with adventure..
Bobby is taking the same classes as me..but instead of Chemistry, he is taking a Criminal Justice course about the career of being a police officer *Something he is very interested in*.
I'M REALLY EXCITED :D
It cost be about $200 bucks more than last semester..
But--I'm very excited for this semester...it will be a crap ton of work, but it will be fun and interesting! **I HAVE TO MAKE A'S IN ALL OF MY CLASSES!**
TR Classes (T=tuesday/R=Thursday)
8:00-9:30am Chemistry I TR
9:30-11:50am CHEM LAB R
12:30-01:50pm Composition II TR
oh--and get this, I'm taking not one..but TWO online classes...yikes:
ONLINE General Biology I
ONLINE Art Appreciation
...yeah....so-this will be fun and pack filled with adventure..
Bobby is taking the same classes as me..but instead of Chemistry, he is taking a Criminal Justice course about the career of being a police officer *Something he is very interested in*.
I'M REALLY EXCITED :D
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Radiology
....Do I want to be a radiologist???....
I just researched and found out about all the schooling and internships and fellowships I'd have to take. I'd have to make a 3.7 gpa or higher while getting my bachelors and I'd have to take the MCAT (medical college admissions test) to get into a 4 yr medical program. and then do a 2 yr internship and then a 2 yr fellowship...yikes...
That's alot of schooling, which I dont mind...but how would i pay for the schooling? and would i be paid during internships/fellowships?????? I don't know...
Anyhow, I've spent the last 3 hours job hunting...haven't applied for 1 job yet...but, I need a day time job that works during the weekend days as well that pays at least 11.75/hour and is either a clerical or administrative assistant job. I don't want to be one at a medical office because I would have to take a 2 yr program to even qualify, and I don't have the time or money for that. I need a job that can get me the hell away from amc. BLAH! ....maybe I do want to work at public storage like bob? ...but that'd be a $3 pay cut... I don't know if I want to do that.... I don't know what I want to do...but I want to have a desk job doing something that pays at least what i'm making now....
....I'm supposed to be getting a raise at my current job w/ amc...I don't know how much of an increase it is...but I really don't care how much it is because I want to leave...SOOOO BADLY!
I need a new job that doesn't have to deal with people so much.
Any suggestions?
I just researched and found out about all the schooling and internships and fellowships I'd have to take. I'd have to make a 3.7 gpa or higher while getting my bachelors and I'd have to take the MCAT (medical college admissions test) to get into a 4 yr medical program. and then do a 2 yr internship and then a 2 yr fellowship...yikes...
That's alot of schooling, which I dont mind...but how would i pay for the schooling? and would i be paid during internships/fellowships?????? I don't know...
Anyhow, I've spent the last 3 hours job hunting...haven't applied for 1 job yet...but, I need a day time job that works during the weekend days as well that pays at least 11.75/hour and is either a clerical or administrative assistant job. I don't want to be one at a medical office because I would have to take a 2 yr program to even qualify, and I don't have the time or money for that. I need a job that can get me the hell away from amc. BLAH! ....maybe I do want to work at public storage like bob? ...but that'd be a $3 pay cut... I don't know if I want to do that.... I don't know what I want to do...but I want to have a desk job doing something that pays at least what i'm making now....
....I'm supposed to be getting a raise at my current job w/ amc...I don't know how much of an increase it is...but I really don't care how much it is because I want to leave...SOOOO BADLY!
I need a new job that doesn't have to deal with people so much.
Any suggestions?
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Life Aquatic
I have such a random craving to watch the Life Aquatic with all my sisters. I love that movie to pieces.... Seriously--no one understands its hilarity more than my sisters. I don't know what it is, but whenever I see a movie with my sisters--every movie is freaking hilarious and quoteable. :)))) I miss you all! I hope to see you all sometime this year. :D
I am loving the weather in texas right now...its been cloudy for the past week or so and its been so nice and cool--even a bit chilly. ;) there was one day where the sun broke thru the clouds this week and it got so EFFING hot!!! ...it was gross. I hate the heat here....when oh when can I pack my bags and move up north???? ....years....years....years.......... ...................but---IT WILL HAPPEN! That i know for certain. I have to live in the northwest, I feel like its calling me everyday. Everytime I feel cool and cloudy weather, I pretend I'm there and that there are forests, trees, and mountains all around me with a beautiful grey sky that calms and soothes my worries away. I could literally live in the woods for the rest of my life. It is the most beautiful place to be. ...Whenever I think of the twilight books/movies, I feel that I'm up in Washington.... and then I get homesick for my family...
Texas can be a great place--I love spending time with Bobby's family, I feel like I'm getting really close with everyone--finally! It really does feel like a second family now....I've got quite a few brothers :P. His family is loud, rambunkcious, and sometimes...a bit foolish--but they've all got such great hearts and are hilarious. They all just want to have fun in life. and i love that. :) I do love the south in a different way--the sunsets here are magnificent. The warmth makes me want to go outside, I love the deserts, I love the pretty lakes, I love the cities, the theme parks, the memories from my childhood. Sometimes I think that I could live here for awhile, but other times I feel that I'm going insane for staying here. Bobby's all I've got that's keeping me here. For now, I'll stay. He is so incredibly close with his family--they've never lived away from eachother. They've always lived in Texas. When I tell him that I miss the north, he suggests moving to Colorado--since its inbetween washington and texas...but--although colorado is gorgeous....its nothing compared to washington....AT ALL! And there's no relatives that live in colorado....so what's the point? I know Bobby doesn't want to leave his family...it's going to be hard on him, but we'd probably fly down a few times a year to see them...but I know from experience that even that isn't enough to curb the loneliness.... I don't know what will happen in the future, but--I know it's going to be great with Bobby in my life :)
I am loving the weather in texas right now...its been cloudy for the past week or so and its been so nice and cool--even a bit chilly. ;) there was one day where the sun broke thru the clouds this week and it got so EFFING hot!!! ...it was gross. I hate the heat here....when oh when can I pack my bags and move up north???? ....years....years....years.......... ...................but---IT WILL HAPPEN! That i know for certain. I have to live in the northwest, I feel like its calling me everyday. Everytime I feel cool and cloudy weather, I pretend I'm there and that there are forests, trees, and mountains all around me with a beautiful grey sky that calms and soothes my worries away. I could literally live in the woods for the rest of my life. It is the most beautiful place to be. ...Whenever I think of the twilight books/movies, I feel that I'm up in Washington.... and then I get homesick for my family...
Texas can be a great place--I love spending time with Bobby's family, I feel like I'm getting really close with everyone--finally! It really does feel like a second family now....I've got quite a few brothers :P. His family is loud, rambunkcious, and sometimes...a bit foolish--but they've all got such great hearts and are hilarious. They all just want to have fun in life. and i love that. :) I do love the south in a different way--the sunsets here are magnificent. The warmth makes me want to go outside, I love the deserts, I love the pretty lakes, I love the cities, the theme parks, the memories from my childhood. Sometimes I think that I could live here for awhile, but other times I feel that I'm going insane for staying here. Bobby's all I've got that's keeping me here. For now, I'll stay. He is so incredibly close with his family--they've never lived away from eachother. They've always lived in Texas. When I tell him that I miss the north, he suggests moving to Colorado--since its inbetween washington and texas...but--although colorado is gorgeous....its nothing compared to washington....AT ALL! And there's no relatives that live in colorado....so what's the point? I know Bobby doesn't want to leave his family...it's going to be hard on him, but we'd probably fly down a few times a year to see them...but I know from experience that even that isn't enough to curb the loneliness.... I don't know what will happen in the future, but--I know it's going to be great with Bobby in my life :)
Friday, May 7, 2010
Happiness
Its so easy to be downtrodden and in a rotten mood. And I for one am so sick of being that way: at work, at home, at school. BLAH. just screw it. it takes such a toll on my emotions and physical appearance.... so screw it. I'm going to be optimistic this summer. I'm going to live life the fullest that I can and enjoy everything for what it is!! Yes maam you heard me. :)
I'm so sick of people getting pissed off at work. What the hell is the point?! The problem is going to be fixed anyway so shut up with your fucking complaining and do something productive!!! We are here to make our business the best it can be. We have to work with other people that we hate. It sucks, but try to fucking get along with them and see their side of how they view things and maybe you can understand them better. Just get along with everyone and YOU WILL BE FINE!! Ugggh! ....>_>.....<_< .....^_^ Lets get HAPPY! (thanks charmie for that song in your blog---PERFECT for me right now!!) Seriously though, work has such a toxic negative atmosphere....I'm so tired of it. It makes me feel negative and pissed off all the time. JUST HAVE FUN and screw other people that piss you off...because they aren't even worth getting pissed off over.
I've been so tired lately....its all because of this move and school coming to its crescendo.... Work is longgg hours too.... I haven't had time to sleep for 8 hrs in probably 3 weeks. -_-....ugh tired...BUT I wanna really make this new apartment amazing. :) So I got up early this morning to keep unpacking all our crap. :)
I'm so sick of people getting pissed off at work. What the hell is the point?! The problem is going to be fixed anyway so shut up with your fucking complaining and do something productive!!! We are here to make our business the best it can be. We have to work with other people that we hate. It sucks, but try to fucking get along with them and see their side of how they view things and maybe you can understand them better. Just get along with everyone and YOU WILL BE FINE!! Ugggh! ....>_>.....<_< .....^_^ Lets get HAPPY! (thanks charmie for that song in your blog---PERFECT for me right now!!) Seriously though, work has such a toxic negative atmosphere....I'm so tired of it. It makes me feel negative and pissed off all the time. JUST HAVE FUN and screw other people that piss you off...because they aren't even worth getting pissed off over.
I've been so tired lately....its all because of this move and school coming to its crescendo.... Work is longgg hours too.... I haven't had time to sleep for 8 hrs in probably 3 weeks. -_-....ugh tired...BUT I wanna really make this new apartment amazing. :) So I got up early this morning to keep unpacking all our crap. :)
Friday, April 30, 2010
NEW PLACE :D
Sooo...I'M SOOO EXCITED! Bobby and I decided yesterday that we wanted to move up into a larger apartment. So, we were able to get the exact floor plan layout that we wanted.
It's on the 3rd (top) floor with vaulted ceilings, fans that have LIGHTS on them :D, a larger balcony, and ...an ACTUAL DINING AREA! Its a 2 bedroom, 2 bath. 986 sq. ft. And its in the back of the complex so there's more privacy :D. YES!!!!! Oh my goodness...oh--did I mention it comes with a FIREPLACE :D woooooooot!!!!!
So, we move in TOMORROW too!! I've got to spend all of today packing EVERYTHING up and bobby and I are signing the lease today. SCORE! :D This is so great!
The two downfalls...rent is more expensive. vs. the $648 rent we had, its not $761. So to split its about $60 more for rent when its split between the two of us, but hey--I don't mind. This is going to be so great. :) :) its a 15 month lease, so we should have this place for awhile. :D The other downfall is that there is no washer or dryer...:/ so we will be using his mom's place for washing clothes until we can afford a new washer and dryer. (that might just be on our wedding registry.....) But, we will figure it out somehow--we always do :)
I'll make sure to take pictures of the place before, during, and after the move :D YAY!!!
Here's a pic of the floorplan:
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Watchmen
Just finished another novel :)
Watchmen is a graphic novel that I had been enticed to read since the movie came out. So many people from work were reading this novel and saying how epic it was, so I had to try it out for myself. It was pretty good. To be honest--I got a little lost in the plot line. Too many character names to memorize in a short novel. @_@ But...it has such a crazy message at the end of how screwed up our world is and how millions can die by the hand of one person in one mili-second. holy crap....it is ridiculous. If you are looking for a fun read, read this one. It's pretty good. :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
"Fix-er-upper" House Project :D
So, Bobby and I have spent a couple hundred dollars helping renovate his mom's house yesterday. I know, that sounds a little foolish to spend money like that, but we bought her a shovel, a wooden board that we drilled on the bottom of her fence so her dog won't keep digging up the dirt to get out, and we bought her a beautiful looking address plaque that we just drilled up above the door of her house last night. :) :) It looks beautiful.
Today, Bobby went to Walmart and bought paint that we all decided on with his mom and he's over there right now painting the house :) I would be over there too right now, but I have work at 3pm and I had BCIS quizzes I had to get done for school tomorrow. But, hopefully there will still be some paint work that needs to be completed tomorrow so after school I can go over there and help finish painting. :) We also mowed her lawn, edged the grass, and swept up the grass from the sidewalk. HER HOUSE LOOKS SOOO MUCH BETTER ALREADY :) :)
Once we get the exterior completed, we will be working on the interior and renovating it from a 60's style home into a new modern, comfy home :) :) :) :) :) I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF!! ITS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!
Bobby and I can't wait till we can afford our own home :) :) It's going to be soo great :) I'll take some pictures of the new renovations and post them, I should probably also take some pictures of "before" and "after" :D This is so great!!
Today, Bobby went to Walmart and bought paint that we all decided on with his mom and he's over there right now painting the house :) I would be over there too right now, but I have work at 3pm and I had BCIS quizzes I had to get done for school tomorrow. But, hopefully there will still be some paint work that needs to be completed tomorrow so after school I can go over there and help finish painting. :) We also mowed her lawn, edged the grass, and swept up the grass from the sidewalk. HER HOUSE LOOKS SOOO MUCH BETTER ALREADY :) :)
Once we get the exterior completed, we will be working on the interior and renovating it from a 60's style home into a new modern, comfy home :) :) :) :) :) I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF!! ITS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!
Bobby and I can't wait till we can afford our own home :) :) It's going to be soo great :) I'll take some pictures of the new renovations and post them, I should probably also take some pictures of "before" and "after" :D This is so great!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
A Day.
I had yesterday off. Oh my gosh. It was great--besides all the exams. :P This week I'd been cramming and catching up on schoolwork that I've had absolutely no free time and lacking in sleepy hours. So, yesterday was quite a relief. :]
I have to go back to work today. It's lame. :( But...I'm just counting down the days till tuesday and i'll have TWO FULL DAYS OFF IN A ROW! *le gasp* One of those days includes the muse concert ;)
So...I've been saving up $$ and Tiffany--we need to sit down and figure out exactly what dates you'd be available to come down for a short vacation. :) Don't worry, Dad won't find out :] (I hope...) So hurry up and call me. I've got all sorts of things lined up that we can do.
For one day we can go to Turner Falls in Oklahoma and walk around. They have some pretty castle ruins from early 1900's. Then theres' the Arbuckle Zoo where you drive around and feed giraffe's and stuff. Pretty cool. (haven't done that one yet) And then that night we can go to Winstar for awhile and try our luck on the penny slots. :D (if you want to of course)
Another day we can go to Fair Park and see the DMA (i'll have to check what exhibits are going on) and then we can go out to dinner somewhere :)
Maybe another day we could drive out to Quana (Bobby's Family Farm) and check it out. (I'd never been there before) Its about a 3 hour drive northwest of here. Smackdab between here and Amarillo.
Maybe we could go to the gun range and you can take your first shot with a gun at a target! It's fun to shoot them :) ...9mm can be pretty loud though...
We could take a day and go out shopping at the mall, could show you my theatre too. Their mall at Stonebriar is awesome.
I'll see if I can take 3 days off and the rest of the time you're here we can just chat, you can play my game systems, watch some great movies, or whatever you'd like to do :) We have an airmattress you can sleep on in the living room.
These are just some things I'd thought up...let me know what you think :)
I have to go back to work today. It's lame. :( But...I'm just counting down the days till tuesday and i'll have TWO FULL DAYS OFF IN A ROW! *le gasp* One of those days includes the muse concert ;)
So...I've been saving up $$ and Tiffany--we need to sit down and figure out exactly what dates you'd be available to come down for a short vacation. :) Don't worry, Dad won't find out :] (I hope...) So hurry up and call me. I've got all sorts of things lined up that we can do.
For one day we can go to Turner Falls in Oklahoma and walk around. They have some pretty castle ruins from early 1900's. Then theres' the Arbuckle Zoo where you drive around and feed giraffe's and stuff. Pretty cool. (haven't done that one yet) And then that night we can go to Winstar for awhile and try our luck on the penny slots. :D (if you want to of course)
Another day we can go to Fair Park and see the DMA (i'll have to check what exhibits are going on) and then we can go out to dinner somewhere :)
Maybe another day we could drive out to Quana (Bobby's Family Farm) and check it out. (I'd never been there before) Its about a 3 hour drive northwest of here. Smackdab between here and Amarillo.
Maybe we could go to the gun range and you can take your first shot with a gun at a target! It's fun to shoot them :) ...9mm can be pretty loud though...
We could take a day and go out shopping at the mall, could show you my theatre too. Their mall at Stonebriar is awesome.
I'll see if I can take 3 days off and the rest of the time you're here we can just chat, you can play my game systems, watch some great movies, or whatever you'd like to do :) We have an airmattress you can sleep on in the living room.
These are just some things I'd thought up...let me know what you think :)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Owl City=Happiness :D
SO...Owl City is my happy music.
You must take an ear to this music, it's so sickeningly happy, it has to make you happy :)
Charmie--take a listen to the one called "Dental Care" (it talks about how evil dentists are..I'm sorry your teeth are screaming at you :( )
I feel so confident about my body. I don't know why, but I feel like I could wear a bikini this summer (if i lost about 5-10 pounds) :) Bobby makes me feel so good about myself. Seriously Tiffany--when you come down in May he will make you see yourself in a completely new way :)
We went shopping today for some skater shoes (we'd been needing them desperately) and I couldn't find any at the first store, and I already felt like giving up and I felt shitty. But he's like "lets go to just one more store to try to find you a great pair that will look fantastic on you" and so I reluctantly went into journeys. I found a pair that I thought was kind of cute, but I thought didn't look that great with jeans. Bobby told me to stand up and walk around in them. He took one look at me and smiled such a big smile and said they were perfect and didn't look weird or anything! I started to feel a little better and got them.
On the way home, Bobby was telling me that I've got to scrape up my selfconscious mind and throw it in the trash. DONT BE AFRAID of what other people think of you, its what you think about yourself. Don't be afraid to try different types of your personality in the way your clothes are styled. It's all a part of you, just because you might dress up as a punk one day, or dress up all girly with playboy bunny earrings, or dress up proper the next, or comfort clothes another, or even weird celtic clothing another... ITS ALL A PART OF YOU! WHO CARES! BE YOURSELF AND LOVE IT! :) :) :) :) :) :)
I love him so much, without him and his insight on life, I would still feel shitty about myself.
SO--ENJOY LIFE, BE HAPPY, AND LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST!!
You must take an ear to this music, it's so sickeningly happy, it has to make you happy :)
Charmie--take a listen to the one called "Dental Care" (it talks about how evil dentists are..I'm sorry your teeth are screaming at you :( )
I feel so confident about my body. I don't know why, but I feel like I could wear a bikini this summer (if i lost about 5-10 pounds) :) Bobby makes me feel so good about myself. Seriously Tiffany--when you come down in May he will make you see yourself in a completely new way :)
We went shopping today for some skater shoes (we'd been needing them desperately) and I couldn't find any at the first store, and I already felt like giving up and I felt shitty. But he's like "lets go to just one more store to try to find you a great pair that will look fantastic on you" and so I reluctantly went into journeys. I found a pair that I thought was kind of cute, but I thought didn't look that great with jeans. Bobby told me to stand up and walk around in them. He took one look at me and smiled such a big smile and said they were perfect and didn't look weird or anything! I started to feel a little better and got them.
On the way home, Bobby was telling me that I've got to scrape up my selfconscious mind and throw it in the trash. DONT BE AFRAID of what other people think of you, its what you think about yourself. Don't be afraid to try different types of your personality in the way your clothes are styled. It's all a part of you, just because you might dress up as a punk one day, or dress up all girly with playboy bunny earrings, or dress up proper the next, or comfort clothes another, or even weird celtic clothing another... ITS ALL A PART OF YOU! WHO CARES! BE YOURSELF AND LOVE IT! :) :) :) :) :) :)
I love him so much, without him and his insight on life, I would still feel shitty about myself.
SO--ENJOY LIFE, BE HAPPY, AND LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Animal Farm
Well...since I'm bored...and the previous blog was random...I might as well talk about my review over Animal Farm. Yes--I did finish it!! yay 2 of 12 books complete! :D
***WARNING: SPOILER***So, this book made me hate pigs. I was so angry at the end of the book how they were standing upright on their hind legs, and began to wear HUMAN CLOTHES! ugggh!!! Damn animals were so stupid. Who cares if the pigs are "smart"--they shouldn't get special treatment. It's the animals fault for allowing Napoleon to take control. Snowball was the true spirit of Animal Farm, damn communism...its got a good thought, but whoever is in power will never treat the people equally. Good book, very provoking.
*Runs over to my bookcase to pick out the next book to read for March!!**
Hmm, yes, I think I shall read....
Watchmen, by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. It is a graphic novel that was turned into a movie last year. So many people were reading this book at the theatre last year. I think I'll give it a try :). I heard it's awesome and entertaining. ;P
St. Patrick's Day
Just got them in the mail today!! :) :) :) :) :) I'M EXCITED! ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF MUSE!!! :D
So, here's some random pictures of me from the other day...I just felt like posting it.
With my crummy glasses....I really need a new prescription
Bobby and I...his face looks like he's a porcelain doll..haha. :P
hmmm I'm bored....I hope everyone's having a great thursday! :P Call me if you're up...I'm bored. and I want to talk :D
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