Dreams

I had a really odd dream last night.... It was about both bill and dad.

The entire family, including mom and bill, were all in texas and driving to the cowboys stadium. When we got there, it was like a huge memorandum for dad....but dad was still alive and at the stadium too. All of dad's favorite music was playing loudly from the speakers( the songs I remember are Bread: If; Moody Blues: Knights in White Satin; etc), and it was only the family at the stadium. We went on the turf of the field and there were tables set up with all of dad's childhood memorabilia and there were little programs that you could take that were on black paper with silver writing about the stadium event of dad's memorabilia. As we were walking around the tables I saw all of dad's childhood memories there...old journals, a favorite baseball, and other random things of his.

After that, dad stayed at the stadium and the rest of the family (mom and bill included) drove to farmers branch and stopped by at this glass building. We went inside and all of bill's favorite music was playing (The Beatles; the Eagles: Hotel California) and there were shelfs set up in this smaller room in the building that had all of bill's childhood memorabilia like his journals from his childhood that I actually opened and read...All I remember though was that the writing was all crooked and slanted across the pages..I don't remember what it said.

Bill also had little programs about the event at the building, but they were on white paper with gold writing....

After that I woke up.........

Strange.

The past few weeks

So, I'm very bored today....

For the past few days all i've been doing is laying in bed playing zelda: spirit tracks or cross-stitching. I'm getting very bored of it every day and just dreading as the time goes on that i have to be at work in the next 5 hours....blahhh...

...I miss washington. It was soooooo relaxing and refreshing being up there :) :) there's so much to do and there's never enough time to do it all.

I really truly hope that bobby and i can live there one day...

Anyhow,

We just got a lightly used twin mattress for free from bobby's work.:) we just sanitized it the other day and now all we have to do is wash the sheets bobby used to have on his old bed and use it on this one :) it's in our 2nd bedroom/office area. pretty sweet :) its really comfortable too.

woot.

I made my first cheesecake yesterday for bobby. :) it came out pretty well...not quite all the way solidified, but much sweeter than normal cheesecake which made me like it more. I usually don't like cheesecake very much b/c it tastes kind of sour...blah, but this tasted great. :)

I just bought tiffany's plane tickets for her to come down and see me and bobby. august 2nd thru aug. 8th (mon.-sun.) YAY!!! I'm so excited to see her :) and when she's here, she'll actually have her own room and bed to sleep in!!!! YAY!!!

..I can't believe i'm going to be 20 in a couple weeks...ahhh...I won't be a teenager anymore :( this is weird....I don't like it....:( but i feel so much older than my age too.... ugggh. life is too short.

i really need a new job. I seriously hate mine....i loathe it everyday i come in. I feel like whatever i do, there's always something else that has to get done.....blah.

...I don't really know what else to write about today...i just feel really bored....:(

Fall 2010 Classes

...SO tuition got a bit pricier this year...humbug!
It cost be about $200 bucks more than last semester..

But--I'm very excited for this semester...it will be a crap ton of work, but it will be fun and interesting! **I HAVE TO MAKE A'S IN ALL OF MY CLASSES!**

TR Classes (T=tuesday/R=Thursday)
8:00-9:30am Chemistry I TR
9:30-11:50am CHEM LAB R
12:30-01:50pm Composition II TR
oh--and get this, I'm taking not one..but TWO online classes...yikes:
ONLINE General Biology I
ONLINE Art Appreciation

...yeah....so-this will be fun and pack filled with adventure..

Bobby is taking the same classes as me..but instead of Chemistry, he is taking a Criminal Justice course about the career of being a police officer *Something he is very interested in*.

I'M REALLY EXCITED :D

Radiology

....Do I want to be a radiologist???....

I just researched and found out about all the schooling and internships and fellowships I'd have to take. I'd have to make a 3.7 gpa or higher while getting my bachelors and I'd have to take the MCAT (medical college admissions test) to get into a 4 yr medical program. and then do a 2 yr internship and then a 2 yr fellowship...yikes...

That's alot of schooling, which I dont mind...but how would i pay for the schooling? and would i be paid during internships/fellowships?????? I don't know...

Anyhow, I've spent the last 3 hours job hunting...haven't applied for 1 job yet...but, I need a day time job that works during the weekend days as well that pays at least 11.75/hour and is either a clerical or administrative assistant job. I don't want to be one at a medical office because I would have to take a 2 yr program to even qualify, and I don't have the time or money for that. I need a job that can get me the hell away from amc. BLAH! ....maybe I do want to work at public storage like bob? ...but that'd be a $3 pay cut... I don't know if I want to do that.... I don't know what I want to do...but I want to have a desk job doing something that pays at least what i'm making now....

....I'm supposed to be getting a raise at my current job w/ amc...I don't know how much of an increase it is...but I really don't care how much it is because I want to leave...SOOOO BADLY!

I need a new job that doesn't have to deal with people so much.

Any suggestions?

Puppies

Can I have them?

Life Aquatic

I have such a random craving to watch the Life Aquatic with all my sisters. I love that movie to pieces.... Seriously--no one understands its hilarity more than my sisters. I don't know what it is, but whenever I see a movie with my sisters--every movie is freaking hilarious and quoteable. :)))) I miss you all! I hope to see you all sometime this year. :D

I am loving the weather in texas right now...its been cloudy for the past week or so and its been so nice and cool--even a bit chilly. ;) there was one day where the sun broke thru the clouds this week and it got so EFFING hot!!! ...it was gross. I hate the heat here....when oh when can I pack my bags and move up north???? ....years....years....years.......... ...................but---IT WILL HAPPEN! That i know for certain. I have to live in the northwest, I feel like its calling me everyday. Everytime I feel cool and cloudy weather, I pretend I'm there and that there are forests, trees, and mountains all around me with a beautiful grey sky that calms and soothes my worries away. I could literally live in the woods for the rest of my life. It is the most beautiful place to be. ...Whenever I think of the twilight books/movies, I feel that I'm up in Washington.... and then I get homesick for my family...

Texas can be a great place--I love spending time with Bobby's family, I feel like I'm getting really close with everyone--finally! It really does feel like a second family now....I've got quite a few brothers :P. His family is loud, rambunkcious, and sometimes...a bit foolish--but they've all got such great hearts and are hilarious. They all just want to have fun in life. and i love that. :) I do love the south in a different way--the sunsets here are magnificent. The warmth makes me want to go outside, I love the deserts, I love the pretty lakes, I love the cities, the theme parks, the memories from my childhood. Sometimes I think that I could live here for awhile, but other times I feel that I'm going insane for staying here. Bobby's all I've got that's keeping me here. For now, I'll stay. He is so incredibly close with his family--they've never lived away from eachother. They've always lived in Texas. When I tell him that I miss the north, he suggests moving to Colorado--since its inbetween washington and texas...but--although colorado is gorgeous....its nothing compared to washington....AT ALL! And there's no relatives that live in colorado....so what's the point? I know Bobby doesn't want to leave his family...it's going to be hard on him, but we'd probably fly down a few times a year to see them...but I know from experience that even that isn't enough to curb the loneliness.... I don't know what will happen in the future, but--I know it's going to be great with Bobby in my life :)

Happiness

Its so easy to be downtrodden and in a rotten mood. And I for one am so sick of being that way: at work, at home, at school. BLAH. just screw it. it takes such a toll on my emotions and physical appearance.... so screw it. I'm going to be optimistic this summer. I'm going to live life the fullest that I can and enjoy everything for what it is!! Yes maam you heard me. :)

I'm so sick of people getting pissed off at work. What the hell is the point?! The problem is going to be fixed anyway so shut up with your fucking complaining and do something productive!!! We are here to make our business the best it can be. We have to work with other people that we hate. It sucks, but try to fucking get along with them and see their side of how they view things and maybe you can understand them better. Just get along with everyone and YOU WILL BE FINE!! Ugggh! ....>_>.....<_< .....^_^ Lets get HAPPY! (thanks charmie for that song in your blog---PERFECT for me right now!!) Seriously though, work has such a toxic negative atmosphere....I'm so tired of it. It makes me feel negative and pissed off all the time. JUST HAVE FUN and screw other people that piss you off...because they aren't even worth getting pissed off over.

I've been so tired lately....its all because of this move and school coming to its crescendo.... Work is longgg hours too.... I haven't had time to sleep for 8 hrs in probably 3 weeks. -_-....ugh tired...BUT I wanna really make this new apartment amazing. :) So I got up early this morning to keep unpacking all our crap. :)

NEW PLACE :D

Sooo...I'M SOOO EXCITED! Bobby and I decided yesterday that we wanted to move up into a larger apartment. So, we were able to get the exact floor plan layout that we wanted.

It's on the 3rd (top) floor with vaulted ceilings, fans that have LIGHTS on them :D, a larger balcony, and ...an ACTUAL DINING AREA! Its a 2 bedroom, 2 bath. 986 sq. ft. And its in the back of the complex so there's more privacy :D. YES!!!!! Oh my goodness...oh--did I mention it comes with a FIREPLACE :D woooooooot!!!!!

So, we move in TOMORROW too!! I've got to spend all of today packing EVERYTHING up and bobby and I are signing the lease today. SCORE! :D This is so great!

The two downfalls...rent is more expensive. vs. the $648 rent we had, its not $761. So to split its about $60 more for rent when its split between the two of us, but hey--I don't mind. This is going to be so great. :) :) its a 15 month lease, so we should have this place for awhile. :D The other downfall is that there is no washer or dryer...:/ so we will be using his mom's place for washing clothes until we can afford a new washer and dryer. (that might just be on our wedding registry.....) But, we will figure it out somehow--we always do :)

I'll make sure to take pictures of the place before, during, and after the move :D YAY!!!

Here's a pic of the floorplan:

Watchmen

Just finished another novel :)

Watchmen is a graphic novel that I had been enticed to read since the movie came out. So many people from work were reading this novel and saying how epic it was, so I had to try it out for myself. It was pretty good. To be honest--I got a little lost in the plot line. Too many character names to memorize in a short novel. @_@ But...it has such a crazy message at the end of how screwed up our world is and how millions can die by the hand of one person in one mili-second. holy crap....it is ridiculous. If you are looking for a fun read, read this one. It's pretty good. :)

"Fix-er-upper" House Project :D

So, Bobby and I have spent a couple hundred dollars helping renovate his mom's house yesterday. I know, that sounds a little foolish to spend money like that, but we bought her a shovel, a wooden board that we drilled on the bottom of her fence so her dog won't keep digging up the dirt to get out, and we bought her a beautiful looking address plaque that we just drilled up above the door of her house last night. :) :) It looks beautiful.
Today, Bobby went to Walmart and bought paint that we all decided on with his mom and he's over there right now painting the house :) I would be over there too right now, but I have work at 3pm and I had BCIS quizzes I had to get done for school tomorrow. But, hopefully there will still be some paint work that needs to be completed tomorrow so after school I can go over there and help finish painting. :) We also mowed her lawn, edged the grass, and swept up the grass from the sidewalk. HER HOUSE LOOKS SOOO MUCH BETTER ALREADY :) :)

Once we get the exterior completed, we will be working on the interior and renovating it from a 60's style home into a new modern, comfy home :) :) :) :) :) I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF!! ITS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!

Bobby and I can't wait till we can afford our own home :) :) It's going to be soo great :) I'll take some pictures of the new renovations and post them, I should probably also take some pictures of "before" and "after" :D This is so great!!

A Day.

I had yesterday off. Oh my gosh. It was great--besides all the exams. :P This week I'd been cramming and catching up on schoolwork that I've had absolutely no free time and lacking in sleepy hours. So, yesterday was quite a relief. :]

I have to go back to work today. It's lame. :( But...I'm just counting down the days till tuesday and i'll have TWO FULL DAYS OFF IN A ROW! *le gasp* One of those days includes the muse concert ;)

So...I've been saving up $$ and Tiffany--we need to sit down and figure out exactly what dates you'd be available to come down for a short vacation. :) Don't worry, Dad won't find out :] (I hope...) So hurry up and call me. I've got all sorts of things lined up that we can do.

For one day we can go to Turner Falls in Oklahoma and walk around. They have some pretty castle ruins from early 1900's. Then theres' the Arbuckle Zoo where you drive around and feed giraffe's and stuff. Pretty cool. (haven't done that one yet) And then that night we can go to Winstar for awhile and try our luck on the penny slots. :D (if you want to of course)

Another day we can go to Fair Park and see the DMA (i'll have to check what exhibits are going on) and then we can go out to dinner somewhere :)

Maybe another day we could drive out to Quana (Bobby's Family Farm) and check it out. (I'd never been there before) Its about a 3 hour drive northwest of here. Smackdab between here and Amarillo.

Maybe we could go to the gun range and you can take your first shot with a gun at a target! It's fun to shoot them :) ...9mm can be pretty loud though...

We could take a day and go out shopping at the mall, could show you my theatre too. Their mall at Stonebriar is awesome.

I'll see if I can take 3 days off and the rest of the time you're here we can just chat, you can play my game systems, watch some great movies, or whatever you'd like to do :) We have an airmattress you can sleep on in the living room.

These are just some things I'd thought up...let me know what you think :)

Listen to Alice in Wonderland

Owl City=Happiness :D

SO...Owl City is my happy music.

You must take an ear to this music, it's so sickeningly happy, it has to make you happy :)

Charmie--take a listen to the one called "Dental Care" (it talks about how evil dentists are..I'm sorry your teeth are screaming at you :( )

I feel so confident about my body. I don't know why, but I feel like I could wear a bikini this summer (if i lost about 5-10 pounds) :) Bobby makes me feel so good about myself. Seriously Tiffany--when you come down in May he will make you see yourself in a completely new way :)

We went shopping today for some skater shoes (we'd been needing them desperately) and I couldn't find any at the first store, and I already felt like giving up and I felt shitty. But he's like "lets go to just one more store to try to find you a great pair that will look fantastic on you" and so I reluctantly went into journeys. I found a pair that I thought was kind of cute, but I thought didn't look that great with jeans. Bobby told me to stand up and walk around in them. He took one look at me and smiled such a big smile and said they were perfect and didn't look weird or anything! I started to feel a little better and got them.

On the way home, Bobby was telling me that I've got to scrape up my selfconscious mind and throw it in the trash. DONT BE AFRAID of what other people think of you, its what you think about yourself. Don't be afraid to try different types of your personality in the way your clothes are styled. It's all a part of you, just because you might dress up as a punk one day, or dress up all girly with playboy bunny earrings, or dress up proper the next, or comfort clothes another, or even weird celtic clothing another... ITS ALL A PART OF YOU! WHO CARES! BE YOURSELF AND LOVE IT! :) :) :) :) :) :)

I love him so much, without him and his insight on life, I would still feel shitty about myself.

SO--ENJOY LIFE, BE HAPPY, AND LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST!!

Animal Farm

Well...since I'm bored...and the previous blog was random...I might as well talk about my review over Animal Farm. Yes--I did finish it!! yay 2 of 12 books complete! :D

***WARNING: SPOILER***So, this book made me hate pigs. I was so angry at the end of the book how they were standing upright on their hind legs, and began to wear HUMAN CLOTHES! ugggh!!! Damn animals were so stupid. Who cares if the pigs are "smart"--they shouldn't get special treatment. It's the animals fault for allowing Napoleon to take control. Snowball was the true spirit of Animal Farm, damn communism...its got a good thought, but whoever is in power will never treat the people equally. Good book, very provoking.

*Runs over to my bookcase to pick out the next book to read for March!!**

Hmm, yes, I think I shall read....

Watchmen, by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. It is a graphic novel that was turned into a movie last year. So many people were reading this book at the theatre last year. I think I'll give it a try :). I heard it's awesome and entertaining. ;P

St. Patrick's Day

Just got them in the mail today!! :) :) :) :) :) I'M EXCITED! ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF MUSE!!! :D

So, here's some random pictures of me from the other day...I just felt like posting it.

With my crummy glasses....I really need a new prescription

Bobby and I...his face looks like he's a porcelain doll..haha. :P

hmmm I'm bored....I hope everyone's having a great thursday! :P Call me if you're up...I'm bored. and I want to talk :D

Distrought

I was Distrought!!

Hahaha...no but seriously...

Do any of you get in a weird funk where all you can do is feel depressed, stressed, angry, and cry all the time???

That's how I've been feeling for over a week now. And its hurting our relationship.... I can tell Bobby's getting tired of my sulking/crying/anger all the time. I can't help it though, I can't crack a smile for him...I just feel so smothered over by life being so repetitive, stupid, pointless, and I'm so angry and stressed over work. I had to work 52 hours this week and I had two exams and a paper...which I know I failed one of them. What the hell is wrong with me? Someone told my boss at work that I'm really upset with my job and how I'm thinking about quitting. So now I have to have a meeting with him when he gets back from vacation next week to explain why I'm feeling this way and why i'm thinking about quitting when I'm on the "high potential" list on the talent board. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyday i wake up and I say to myself, I just shouldn't go in today and quit. Screw them over. I really don't give a shit. I'm going to a job fair tomorrow to set up an interview with Best Buy...I hope I get a job there..but then again, I'm afraid that when I transfer to a different company, that my pay rate will lower to the point that Bobby and I can't afford our bills any more.

I feel like being lazy all the time and not doing anything about all the work I have to do. I feel like if I don't shut it out I will go insane. I think I need time off to really figure out what the hell I'm going to do..if i'm going to quit...or stick it out. I keep telling myself that I'm 19 years old...that I shouldn't have to feel like this. I should be care free and only have to worry about homework. But I'm sitting here, stressing and feeling hateful about work, getting stressed at school b/c I don't get enough sleep and can't get my homework done, and having to worry about my relationship with Bobby. I just want to pound my head on a concrete wall and just die. I'm so sick of everything. I think I need to see a psychiatrist.

I feel like Bobby and I never have time to just have fun together anymore. Work is always calling me about some shit or another, or we both have homework, or we are to fucking exhausted. I want a month off from everything. To recoop. to get my head screwed on right again. I haven't had time to think about the wedding at all. I want our wedding to be sooner than a year and a half away. Everytime I tell coworkers when the date is, they all respond with "Wow...that's a long time..." And i just stand there thinking yeah, it is a long time...and I keep thinking about it. But there's no better time to do it. Unless we did it this summer, but we don't have the money and I think this summer would be too soon.

I want to just drop everything and escape somewhere where I can be alone in the mountains and try to live like waldo emerson. Frugally and naturally. Caring about how insects live. Last night at 3am when I was getting off work, I took a moment to look at the stars. I hadn't been able to look at them, or even remember they were there in so long. There is SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE than FUCKING AMC! I WANT TO QUIT I WANT TO QUIT I WANT TO QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did what I thought I never would

I got my ears pierced today. :0

I know...I never thought I would actually do it...but I'd been thinking about it recently--and when bobby bought me these gorgeous blue gemmed heart stud earrings for Christmas---it was decided that I would do it---eventually. So-I finally did it last thursday. It really didn't hurt at all.. I was surprised...It just feels like a quick sharp pressure and that's it. It's awesome and only cost me $40 bucks at claires. It is slightly annoying having to clean them 3 times a day though...

So get this--you'll all probably think I'm kidding...but for Valentine's Day, Bobby HANDMADE me a card--complete with felt, construction paper, glittery letters, ribbon, and a handwritten message. HOLY CRAP! It was seriously the most dearest card/note I've ever gotten from him. It's the cutest thing ever! I love him so much! He's the silliest man alive.. :P

Open Caskets

So Friday night I accidentally locked an employee in the building..so I had to go back and open the gate for her. OOOPS!! I had never done that before...but it was Brianna Wuensch, so she wasn't pissed off or anything..

When I got home I suddenly had a swooping thought go thru my head of the three funerals I attended to last year. Two of them open casket, and one closed and a memorial service was given. The two that were open casket, did not look a thing like they did when they were alive. I cannot stand looking at open caskets anymore. It frightens me beyond belief. Thinking of Aaron Wuensch (Brianna's brother) while he was alive and having just talked to him the week before he died. Seeing his face all solomn, shrunken, and powdery grey. Smelling like some sort of chemical. His hands were rock hard. He was not anything like he was in life. I cannot stand to see myself that way when I'm gone. If anyone survives me when I die...please have me in a CLOSED casket. I don't want anyone remembering me any other way than how I was when I was alive. It's horrific and haunting seeing someone gone and cold, but dressed as if they were alive. It is so creepy and unrealistic.

Pictures

So, Bobby and I had been wanting to get professional pictures taken ever since we got together, and we FINALLY got around to doing so. Here's the three that we like best, there are a few others, but they don't look as good ;). I will be sending you all wallets of the last image on here, and I'm sending mom&bill, and dad an 8x10 of that (so they'll be happy ;) ) These are not our engagement photos...we'll be taking those later this year...just so you know. Hope you like!

Tax Return!!

I adore filing for tax returns w/o being claimed. And having had paid for my schooling last year. I'm getting over $3000 back from the government! I'm so excited!! That can pay for my wedding dress :) :) :)

Spring Semester

So...I am loving my spring semester classes. :) :)

Here's my schedule for my Tuesday and Thursday classes:
Composition 1 @ 9:30
US History from 1865 @ 11:00
State and Local Government @ 12:30
BCIS @ 2:00

I am actually not afraid of my Comp. class anymore :) My teacher is really old and she seems really helpful when it comes to writing questions and such. We just annotate in our textbook and we are going to start writing essays. We have 4 to write this semester, and then we have to read a book of our choice :) and write a book review over it. (That--I AM EXCITED FOR :) )

In US History--I have the same awesome teacher teaching the second half of the course. :) She's AWESOME!

Government--is completely opposite than my first gov. teacher. He is completely lax and doesn't really give a crap about teaching--so, this will be VERY easy :)

BCIS--is probably going to be the second most difficult class (besides comp.) because of the excel formats and the quizzes..but the teacher is very good at explaining exactly what we need to do....so I'm confident I'll still get an A in that class!

Bobby and I are in the same classes again, except for comp 1...he's in comp 2 now. YAY! I have a feeling that this semester will be much better than last :).

2009 Novels

So I felt like copying Charmie's blog, but with my own novels that I had read last year :)

The Thornbirds--Colleen McCullough

Atonement--Ian McEwan

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies--Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

Still reading this one, I've got about a 1/3 left to read. I know--it looks stupid, but it is actually pretty entertaining. It's much like the original, but it has zombies in it. and it's awesome!! :)

I wish I could've read more books this year--but time couldn't permit. :(