Alone

I feel so lonely. I don't have friends anymore. I have no family around...except dad...and we all know how that relationship is going down the toilet.

I feel like all I have is Bobby. I feel like I'm burdening him with how much time I want to spend with him and that I have noone else in my life right now. I wish I could connect to people, but something about me just keeps a barrier between a possible friend. It really sucks with work too--that's where I usually got my friends from--but I can only be friends with 2 people (I can only hang out w/ managers outside work at stonebriar)...and one is a complete bitch, and the other is extremely popular and I can't seem to be good friends with her. I feel so isolated.

I wish I could find new friends...

Mackenzie (my bff) is in town from texas tech, but she's completely blowing me off to hang out with a friend from amc grapevine--they became good friends after I left... I dunno, i feel jealous, betrayed, pissed off, and hurt in the inside. I just don't have anyone to hang out with....

...I'm sick of being this way. I want friends again!

Dolce and Gabbana: Rose the One

Amazing perfume! perfect for the fall :) :)

42'' lcd hd tv :) :) :) :) :) :)

So, two days ago, bobby and I had the day off together and we started out looking for a bookcase for our bedroom since we have too many books now ;). So, we went to a bunch of furniture stores and when we were at Ashley's Furniture we found a really awesome comfy smaller couch set than the ones that we have. We really wanted it. It was about 800 bucks and it was really nice. :) We told the sales rep. we'd come back on Friday to pay for it. So then we started driving...and then we started to drive near best buy. Our minds changed to wanting a TV rather than a couch right now...

So---we bought a freaking AWESOME tv :) :) Its bigger than our Entertainment Center will hold, but that's ok. :) It's BEAUTIFUL!!! I love it. Bobby and I have been watching sooo many tv shows and playing so many videogames just because we are in such awe of this awesome tv! We got it for $800 at Target. :D

I love it. :) That is our one big purchase for the year. This TV is awesome!! :) :)

Government...

So my grades on my exams thus far...

Marriage and Family Relations: 92.5%
Basic Nutrition: 85%
U.S. History to 1865: 104%
American National Government:.....i don't want to say...X[

I haven't gotten the grade back for Government, but I can safely say that I failed it. I'm so afraid to find out the actual grade...

I'm so infuriated with my Gov. teacher. She knows her stuff, but she talks way too fast, and can't put out key points we need to know for our test. She goes off on tangents and then skips out over important stuff we need to know for the test. She just...SUCKS! I've never had worse teacher before. She's even worse than Mrs. Scott from sixth grade (ick...)

It bothers me. I really wish I could drop it. i dont like her teaching style. But I cant drop. Bob has to stay for the full semester as a full time student, or else he'll owe money back to the gov. for dropping out of the entire semester last spring.

ugggh. I don't like government. it's evil. Especially my teacher. Her tests were wayyy too wordy and couldn't get to the point of the question. IT WAS SO DIFFICULT!

College

I haven't written in here for awhile! Sorry :(

So, college is AWESOME!

I love it! It's really exciting to listen to the lectures in class and to learn new things.

My first class Marriage and Family Relations is really interesting, although I have a crappy teacher who can't speak English very well, and doesn't know how to give lectures properly, I still like listening to it and learning more about marriage customs and everything. It was really funny, the first day of lectures we started talking about Fundamentalists Mormons and how they practice polygyny (one man, two or more wives). It was really interesting to read about it my textbook and hear the lecture in class and how their normal lives go. It's so messed up. Bob and I were kind of chuckling about it in class.

In U.S. History to 1865, my teacher is AWESOME!! (tiffany--if you remember Mrs. Rogeau & Mr. Johnson, she's kind of like a mix of them, but better. Her lectures are like a continuous story and she's got these crazy antics and hilarious side stories. It's a great class! It's extremely easy.

My American National Government class is a tough cookie. A lot more is involved, but it's really interesting to read about goverment and all these different perspectives that we discuss in class. My teacher is obsessed with her job and teaches pretty well, although she talks extremely fast. We have a couple of essays to write, and current event pop quizzes every now and then, so I have read the New York Times alot.

My Basic Nutrition online class is a piece of cake. Just read the material in the textbook, do the reviews, do the practice quizzes which i'm getting A's on. :) easy easy easy. it has made me quite aware though of how terrible fast food is for you, and it's making me be more cautious about what foods to buy at the grocery stores and it's helping me eat more healthy :)

Yay. Those are my classes. every tuesday and thursday. Interesting, and enough to keep me busy most of the time. I love having these classes with Bobby! It's so nice having someone in the class that you know very well and you don't feel so awkward. Bobby says I'm really helping him want to learn more and he feels more driven about studying. :) :) Yay!!! (He used to hate school).

So life is good with college. We are determined to never miss a class. And i'm really wanting to join the honor society at the college. I have to maintain a GPA of 3.5, if I can get that this semester, I can be eligible to join. We'll see how the semester goes :)

Me and Bobby's anniversary went really well, we went around shopping for awhile and thinking of a future home and everything (after marriage of course...whenever that will be? next year? two years?) and he took me out to Olive Garden. He also bought me a beautiful blue gemmed necklace from JCPenney. He also got me the 4th season of Grey's Anatomy, and Night at the Roxbury!!!! :D He also got me a dozen of beautiful pink rimmed roses and an awesome swiss chocolate bar. (He goes wayyy out for me. :P) I really wish he would trim it down a bit. :/ I feel really bad that he's spending this money on me when he doesnt have to in the least!

So, yay! Bobby and I have been together for over a year now :) We are both extremely happy :]

Bobby is going out of town tomorrow to his family reunion (which I can't go to :( i couldn't get labor day weekend off when we are also opening IMAX today!) So he will be in Quanna for saturday and sunday. *First time to sleep in the apartment alone...i'm kinda freaked out*

During the weekend I'm hoping to get all my homework done and deep clean the apartment. :D
And then spend the rest of my time, finally having some alone time to play my amazing zelda games and chilling. :D

I'd better get working on these dishes...

<3

Winstar!

Hehehehe.

So, Bob, Mackenzie, and I went on a spur of the moment escapade to the Winstar Casino in Oklahoma, after we went to the Rangers game in arlington.

It's the second time i've been there now, and they added a completely new wing full of new slot machines and other gambling games. It was soooo cool looking. ( of course, where do you think they get the money?)

Well, we all played the penny slot machines...and I WON 15 DOLLARS :)

I was so excited!! :) It was freaking awesome! :D I only put 5 bucks into playing the penny slots, and within an hour i got 15 bucks. it was pretty sweet! (of course, I know my limits of what to spend for slot machines.)

...yeah, it was fun, and it was cool to make money. (Last time, I lost 10 bucks...lame.)

Zelda=Most epic game play ever!!!

I JUST BEAT THIS GAME!!! ^^^^^

I know i'm sounding like a hardcore zelda nerd in this blog, but I'm becoming more obsessed with it!

An awesome feature on my Wii is the Wii Shop Channel which allows you to purchase and download new wii games, and virtual console games from previous Gameplay systems such as NES, SNES, N64, Sega Genisis, etc.

So, what have I been doing with some of my down time??

Downloading and playing old Zelda games!! :) :) I beat "A Link to the Past" and am working on "The Ocarina of Time"

I've been cheating though...but only because I want the full game experience of finding everything there is to find in each game! :)

This website is the BEST cheat site EVER made for all the zelda games:

http://www.zeldadungeon.net/

Once I beat the Ocarina of Time, i'm going to download the first and very original "Legend of Zelda"

oooh!!! I'm sooooo excited!!! I really want to beat every zelda game ever created!! :) :)

Turner Falls

After working through six days of 10 hour shifts straight and not getting home until 3 am every night, I finally got a break of 3 days off of work. Bobby and I went to Turner Falls, OK with his half brother Keith, and wife Danielle, with their two kids Connor and Christopher, and Bobby's brother Chad.

We got there around 9pm on Wednesday night and set up camp in the dark. When we were finally able to lay down and sleep it was a little past midnight and we both had to sleep on the hard floor with rocks underneath us. My back was killing me that whole trip... But, during that first night, coyotes were howling and raccoons were knocking down the trash can right near me and bobby's tent and it sounded like they were breakdancing in the trashcan for two hours. It was very annoying and loud.

The next morning, we rockclimbed up the side of a mountain, and once we reached the top, we went into the "robber's cave" and sat and relaxed for a minute. We then went back to camp and ate lunch and then all got into our swimwear and headed out to the Blue Hole which is a natural swimming hole at the bottom of the falls. it was SOOO nice and COOL. and there was a metal water slide and a diving borard at the other end. it was SOOOOO much fun!! It was the first time bobby and i have ever swam together and it was great! He was holding me almost the whole time, and I felt weightless with me in his arms and being in the water. It was great :) :)

That night we slept in our tent again and the Coons came back to the trash can to try and tip it over, but danielle very cunningly put a huge metal grill on top of it so that they wouldn't be able to tip it over. ...Well, lots of banging happened in the middle of the night, and they finally tipped it over..except it was only one raccoon this time. But the grill fell right in front of the trash can lid when it tipped over and the coon wasn't able to get the lid off of the trash can. hahaha. it was fun to watch.

Anyhow, we swam some more the next day and then bobby and i came home.

It was a trip much needed and good memories were formed from it. :) :) yay!

and now a close friend dies...

What is up with death this year? This is the third death i've had to cope with in the past 2 months, and it's really getting to me now. We are so lucky to be living right now. We could die any minute and not know our lives are over in one minute.

My friend, and ex-manager Aaron Wuensch, died on June 9th. He was only 24. He suffered from cardiac arrest while working out at a gym. It seems so fucked up. Who would think they would die that way ...right then? What makes it even more unbelievable and so hard to consume, is that i JUST saw him at work about a week ago. He was looking healthy and fit, about to go see 17 again with some friends for the hell of it. I just can't wrap my mind around this. His mother and sister work at the theatre i work at, and his mom is the sweetest person ever, it's so terrible to see her broken up like this.

Life is so short. We are so fragile. It's insane that I've lived this far.

Criminals

As I was checking the mailbox this evening, I saw a very ominous posting from the police department at the mailbox center.

It stated that 11 burglarys have occured in our area from 4/11-5/9 between 9am-7pm. and only 1 suspect as been arrested.

For crying out loud, there was a burglary in MY APT BUILDING.

I don't understand what drives people to steal from others who have worked hard and long for what they possess. People who steal--why the fuck can't they just get a self-respecting job and earn their own money instead of being immature, jackass criminals who think it's fine to steal and terrorize people. I hate criminals. I don't give a shit if they had "a rough past", and that they think this is all their life is, they're being absolutely inhuman for doing terrible things to others.

It bothers me so much! It's because of these people, that I'm afraid to help others--especially when they are truly nice people who just need help. I'm constantly suspicious of everyone.

...I'm glad Bobby has several guns...and that he taught me how to use one.

It's sad that the world has become so desperate.

Carribean Paradise

My perfect moment of relaxation...

Sitting on this beach with a pina colada in hand watching the sunset and seeing all the stars at night, as I listen to the ocean waves gently crash along the shore.

Job Applications!

WOOOOOOT! :) :)

So, I just applied to CVS Pharmacy to be a Pharmacy Associate (until I become a Certified Pharmacy Tech) :) :) I really hope they'll call me soon to set up an interview! I really hope they can give me full-time hours too. and a good wage. But, we shall see. If they don't give me a call by next tuesday--I'll call them and ask if they received my application and try to get an interview set up.

The reason why I'm job hunting...

I'm not cut out to be a manager. It's too much responsibility, and it's really hard to keep work out of my personal time. It's making me stress out everyday and I can't handle it. :(

I dunno, if I can't get a job at CVS, I'll try Walgreens pharmacy, and if not....Then I'll probably apply to be a waitress or something.

I know I have more potential than being a waitress...but right now, I just need something that can pay the bills and not have so much responsibility. I would be sooo much happier than I am now.

College 2009! :)

So, I just registered for fall classes this year with Bobby. I'm so excited! :)

9:30 Marriage and Family Relations
11:00 U.S. History to 1865
12:30 U.S. Government
Online Basic Nutrition

:) :) :)

I can't wait to get my textbooks! Woot!! :) :) :)

I've been waiting to go back to school since December and now I get to! :) :) Yay!!!

Bobby and I are planning to head up to Washington in early august. I don't know how long we will be able to be up there though... updates will be coming soon. :) It all depends if we fly or drive....

Love you all, and can't wait to see my family again soon.

Work Work Work

I'm in a mindnumbing routine and need to break out of it.

I've been going to work 7 days in a row now and need an effing day off! i'm going insane! I'm so sick of working and doing the exact same thing every day. :( I really need a new job--completely. I'm afraid though that I won't be making as much money as I do now. Perhaps I'll try Hobby Lobby. I hear they pay their cashiers $12.50 an hour. And then I'll work up the chain again :) ...if i actually like the company. I just don't know what I want to do for a job. Maybe blockbuster. Working there seems incredibly easy. I just need a job that allows me to earn between 550-700 per paycheck. Perhaps I'll be a waitress?? Or...go with a marketing company? I just don't know. :( hmmmm.... I should really start researching it.

I wouldn't mind being someone's personal assistant or secretary either--I think I'd enjoy that kind of job. I've already researched librarians....noone's hiring right now. Stupid cities..:P

I'll find something eventually...maybe.



Anyhow, Tiffany is flying down tomorrow and is staying in texas for a whole week! :D holy crabobles! I just dont' know when we will be able to hang out, but we will find one day at least to.

Bobby's 19th birthday is on friday. I've gotten him a few gifts, but I need to stop by the store and get a few more things. :-)

I haven't heard from nikki lately, I wonder how her new job is!

Well, i have to get ready for another 9 hour shift at work. HOORAY! -_-

coming home!

I'm really excited to fly up to washington again. Although it is for a sad occasion, it's also about celebrating who grandma pat was. And i'm so happy I will be able to be there for her memorial service.

I can't wait to see the sisters again! I haven't seen tiffany for over a year, and haven't seen charmie since her wedding. I really want to get to know kjerstie. It makes me sad that i feel so awkward still around her because i still don't know much of anything about her. :'( I really need some bonding time with her.

This will be the first time since Bobby and I have been together, that we won't be able to see eachother for a day. I know, that sounds crazy, but Bobby and I have been attached to the hip almost since we've been together. :P


Well..i must get packing...I have to be at work in 2 hours. blah....

Patriarchal blessing

I was just reading my patriarchal blessing a minute ago. I was writing in my journal and found it in the back and i read it.

Some things hit me like a rock on the head about a few things. Reading it now, it's so obvious that it tells that i'm being led away from the church. and that in a future life i will have to take covenants that will lead back to "his" presence. It was also talking about how being a mother will be the greatest responsibility that i will have. and bobby and i have been talking about kids for awhile and what we would do, how many we would have, names and everything--and it's becoming more realistic.

it also talks about how i will have times of discouragement and disappointment and difficult situations. when i read that, i had a sudden feeling of dread and immediately thought about bobby...i don't want to lose him, and don't know what i would do if he died.

I don't really believe in the church...some of the doctrine perhaps...in a sense...but i don't believe in mormon culture or wide belief. i don't really know what i believe. But this stuff that i just read inspired me to write this....

College!!!

I am so FREAKING EXCITED for college!! :) :) :) It's going to be awesome!! :D

I just put in my app for NCTC and now I need to send in my transcript and test scores. And thanks to my SAT scores I'm exempt from taking the THEA Test! score!! :P

What's really cool is that tuition is around 900 bucks (depending on the amount of classes I take.) 900 is for about 12 credit hours(which is full-student minimum requirement). I can't wait!!!! :]

I'm thinking of getting my Associate of Science with Discipline in Chemistry. (This may change....)

I can't wait to start my math classes and computer classes, and music classes, and literature and AHHH i'm getting way ahead of myself!!


I started looking at the FAFSA app. and trying to figure out whether I should use Mom and Bill's taxes...or Dad's. ...i'm thinking if i use dad's though, i'll probably end up getting more $$ in grants from the gov. :P I'm also starting to look at scholarships for the fall. and so hopefully, i won't have to pay for any of my college. hehehe. i dunno though, we'll see how things look later on.

I'm also looking up piano teachers in the lewisville, highland village, and flower mound area to see if i can get some one on one lessons to help me build my skills. I really want to pursue music, but I don't know if I can dedicate myself enough to major in music...hmm...i dunno. I'll probably stick w/ chemistry. If i do decide on a teacher for some private lessons, i'll have to use dad's piano to practice on...which i don't think he'll mind.

I asked Dad to go to lunch w/ me at the Cheesecake Factory and we patched up a bit...it's awkward though.

Well...i must get ready for work. GAH! i'm excited!!

clean clean clean

i've been cleaning all day! yay!!! :)

money is starting to get tight. i had to pay an unexpected 285 bucks for reassigning my title yesterday...and with my doctors appt being next week and before the next pay day...i'm having to take everything else out of my savings to pay for this visit b/c for some stupid reason it has to be paid in full..upfront. (what the crap! why don't they go through insurance agencies???) I dunno..i'm gonna call them and ask them about it. but, with the med. bills and finally finishing payments off my car, i'm left with almost nothing. i still think i can save up for college this fall..but it will be much harder...:( i hate money...again.

Another one.

death tends to hit more than once quickly.

It was really hard to deal with bobby's grandfathers death--i was crying pretty bad, even though i had never met the guy--i got to learn about him from his wife Peggy and from bobby's mother. He was such a vivacious guy who lived his life to the fullest and it's so unfair that he had to leave this earth prematurely due to cancer. He died at the age of 70. This was the first full funeral i'd been to before and when we first went through the doors to view his grandpa all of the women were weeping without end. Bobby had to step away to recollect himself and i gave him a huge hug...while hearing this and hugging him as he tried to fight back the tears--i felt surrounded by death and that there was a huge weight on me. Having that sudden feeling i started to cry silently and didn't let anyone see it. It was such an emotional time. there were several services over those three days. three viewings. and a service from the Moose Fraternity that his Grandfather was in for decades. Then there was a funeral procession. Bobby and I were in the fourth car behind the funeral car. We stopped at the Virginia Veteran Cemetary. There was a military service for Grandpa Billy. Bobby was a palmsbearer (or something like that..) and he was so respectful and dutiful. After the end of that service, they laid him in the earth to rest.

I felt so much closer to Bobby and his family during this time. I'm really glad i was able to be with Bobby during this hard time for him.


And now... Grandma Pat's having a hard time. I'm trying to find out what's the update on her wellbeing. If she passes, that'll be another that death takes... It's going to be hard...but i want to be there to support Mom and to help with arrangements.

what to make of it

Bobby's grandfather just passed away this morning. I'd never seen Bobby cry before...:(

there will be a funeral for him in Virginia on Tuesday, i'm trying to work both of our schedules around so we can drive up there and be back by thursday. I'm not sure if i'm going to be able to go up there w/ him since i'm working tues-thurs, but i'm going to try.

I've nevert dealt with a death before...so--this is kind of awkward and i'm not sure how i should comfort bobby. He and his grandpa were pretty close.

...anyhow, just keep him and his family in your thoughts this week.

<3

THE BEST SMELLING LOTION EVER CREATED!!

Buy it. Now.

apartment pictures

Bobby had some girl make this awesome butterfly balloon bracelet for me while at Buffalo Wild Wings MMMMM! YUM! :)

This is our built in bookcase. its got some nifty books and random stuff on it :)

This is the bedroom...dresser...and there's a window. Yay!
Took a picture of the sink in the bathroom. I caught myself in my penguin pj pants :P
The bed. woot. i love the kyo pillow and the GIANT teddy bear bobby got me for vday ;)
This is the living room...before the entertainment center...before the new set of couches..before the coffee table...before we unpacked a single thing :P
The kitchen counter...once we got our first set of groceries! woot! ...you can see our washer dryer in the closet there :P
The other half of the kitchen. woot microwave, oven, and fridge!
Bobby and I went to a gun show in Ft. Worth with his Dad Tom, and his Dad's girlfriend Lynne
Me and Bob in the car about to go to the gun show! hooray!
Still waiting in the car to go to the gun show :D

As promised...these are kind of old photos of when we first moved in

... we now have some new furniture and i'll take some new photos once i've cleaned up a bit ;)

medical bills

i. don't. like. money.

Going to see this other OB/GYN is going to be bloody expensive! They require their payments in full and upfront. wtf! what about my insurance policy that i pay over a hundred bucks a month for?! ARGH!!! Why must i waste my entire college savings on a car and my health! I'm saving about 300 bucks a month...but having spent 4000 on a car that i desperately needed....ive only got 500 in my savings... and my deductible for health insurance is 500 bucks...if i pay for this..i'm not going to have money for college! i'm financially screwed! **extremely frustrated!!**

why the hell did my car have to die on me?! if i can't get anything out of the fafsa...i may have to wait a whole nother bloody semester before i can start! I'M SO PISSED OFF!!!! i NEED to start school NOW! this is so lame....

if my car didn't die..i'd be set for my entire community college! argh! and if it weren't for this medical bill i'm gonna have to pay for--i'd at least have enough money for a years worth of community college. >:(

All i can do is not waste a penny on unneccessary things anymore...and MAYBE just MAYBE i can have enough again for a years worth of college. ...this sucks...ALOT!

...i don't know if i can afford this road trip now...

Road Trip!!

So...

Bob and I are going on a road trip. In June. ALL THE WAY TO THE NORTHWEST!! WOOOOOO!!!! :P haha. It's going be awesome!! :) We'll be making a stop in Utah for a day or two to be with tiff, char and dave. We'll also make a stop in "Coloradotah" to see Nikki at her national monument :D.

I can't wait to FINALLY see everyone again!! I miss you all horribly!!!! I feel i've taken family for granted. :/ Seeing Bobby with his family every other day to just see them for dinner, or to go on errands with them...it's really made me homesick for you all!! :( I know, i keep saying that i miss you guys along almost every entry..but it sucks ALOT being so far from you all and having no family contact and not seeing you..ever. I wish we could all just live near eachother (within an hour drive) later on in life and we can all be crazy cool together and keep eachother close. :)

Any how ...some places I insist on taking Bobby to see (he's never been to the west):

Dinosaur National Monument--Colorado:






Crater Lake:



Mt. Rainer





Yupp...these are just a few gorgeous places to see :) and on the way back we'll probably stop by arches national park in utah :)

It's going to be a blast :D

The Thornbirds

FINALLY finished The Thornbirds!! EXCELLENT NOVEL!! :) The ending was so amazing and different from the mini-series. So many more things went on. I highly recommend this book to everybody who hasn't read it already :D

YAY... in other news--i've got my appt set up w/ some other doctor in Plano for the other testings i'm gonna have to take. :( i'm not too nervous about it...

Still without a car. Thinking about getting something around $5000. I can pay for over 4/5 of that. Perhaps i'll wait till i've got that much saved up and then buy a car around that price. ( I don't have the credit right now for financing....Still slowly building that up...)

Apartment life is good. I don't like the fire alarms in our place though. They are sooo HYPERsensitive and go off whenever we have something cooking on the stove and its soooo loud! :[

I bought a vacuum today. :) now to assemble it... hmmm.

I'm really surprised that Bobby and I can still live the way we are with all these problems like with my health, my no car situation, and still buying some new things for the place. We're just slowly building our regime that is our apartment. :D

I do feel bored though. Just w/o a car I can't go anywhere. So, i'm at the apartment most of the time when i'm not at work.

I got my prescription for my BC. yay. That cost a whopping 55 bucks for ONE MONTH'S worth of pills....>_<>

I'm thinking of getting my wisdom teeth out in the fall now more than likely b/c of all of these other financial problems we have to get through somehow.

Maybe I'll get glasses/contacts this summer??? ...My vision is worsening still... it's a heck of a lot harder to read things that are a few feet away from me.

Haha. I introduced Bob to Bjork the other day...he thinks she's crazy. Of course. :P (Oh well, at least he likes Fruits Basket ;)

I really want to see Charmie and Tiffy in Utah. I haven't seen them in THE LONGEST time and i miss them!!! :( :( Probably in May I might fly up there on my own. (and then later introduce you to Bobby--i really want to catch up with you guys!)

We have cable and Internet now. Huzzah! it's kind of expensive..about $80 bucks a month. (not split two ways) But I must say, it sure is nice to have the internet and not have to sit in some odd corner of the apartment to try to get one bar of signal from a neighbor.

Bobby and I are doing well in our relationship. We did get in a little huff this past week...but, no biggie--we resolved it.

Anyhow...life is fantastic, despite the crap that keeps getting thrown our way.

I still haven't heard a peep from Dad at all. Has anyone???

I'd best take my daily walk down to the mailboxes and see if anything came for us today :)

Love you all!! :D

abnormal PAP

...ok, i'm getting really scared.

I had my pap two weeks ago, and just got a call from Dr. Roberts 15 minutes ago.

I had an abnormal PAP and i have to go see another doctor to take other tests. Apparently, theres some sort of inflammation. And, there's just been a pain in my right ovary for awhile and i'm really really worried.

The test for HPV came out negative and the cells aren't cancerous, but still--i'm really afraid.

I don't know what to do.

I'm gonna call mom tomorrow and ask her about this.

I would call her now, but i'm freaking out too much and can't calm down.

I'll keep you all posted....

a new refreshing lifestyle :)

Life feels completely different. Its crazy that in a day, your life can be completely altered.

Bobby and I moved everything in on Saturday and we are still unpacking. :P

Last night Bobby and I bought a black entertainment center from Ikea that we spent a few hours building. :P haha we got several pieces wrong and had to fix it--swedes don't know how to write directions clearly. but.. its up and very pretty :D

score.

Sunday Bobby, me, his dad, and Lynne all went to this gun show in Fort Worth. it was so funny seeing Bobby go all nuts over these guns. hahaha. They had EXCELLENT beef jerky though that we bought. :D

On Monday, Bobbys mom was so sweet and bought us 200 dollars worth in groceries. we owe her big time!! :P

Today some maitenance guys came over to fix a couple of damages that were there before we moved in and i just finished bobby's algebra homework so that i can teach it to him more clearly. yay! (He's been at school all day)

And hopefully tonight we will be able to go see a movie!

I really like this apartment and i'm EXTREMELY happy to be with bobby :)

Packing

So, i've packed up roughly...10 boxes of my stuff and drove it over to Bobby's. I've got about 4-5 more boxes that are almost filled and then my suitcases. :) woot!

I'm so excited!!! :) :) :) :) :)

I've been wanting this for awhile now and its FINALLY happening :D

I think i've decided I'm just going to leave a note for Dad about my move in situation and he can call me if he wants. But, i honestly don't know how else to tell him. ugg. i don't want to think about that right now >_<

I've been helping out Bobby with his algebra homework for the past two weeks, and its sooo difficult having to figure out the information from the textbook, and then apply it to more difficult problems for his homework, and then explaining it to Bobby on parts he's having problems with. I've helped him learn how to solve Radical Equations tonight, but my head is killing me. I always get headaches from it b/c it takes about 4 hours to get one night's worth of his homework done...if we can even finish it within the time limit. @_@. Don't get me wrong, i like working on algebra...but not when the textbook gives simple examples and it takes me 20 minutes to figure out a problem.

I guess it's making me think though, which I appreciate, and i'm really glad that i can help Bobby out. He does so much for me and now i feel like i'm giving some of that back to him :) :)

yay. Life is wonderful :D

Firefighters

So, i got to call 911 for the first time! wonderful. it was great.

We had just closed the building. A crew lead knocked on the door frantically to the office and told me there was a fire in the concession stand. I ran back there and there was heavy smoke coming out of the multiplex syrup tower. It was nuts. The first thing I did was call 911. Then Taylor and I turned off all the electrical breakers to the concession stand and I took the fire extinguisher and attempted at putting out the smoke. Rob got my GM on the phone for me and I told him of the situation. The firefighters showed up within minutes and finished the job. It turned out that the motor in the tower blew up basically and the entire system was melted. It was burning the plastic on some of the tubing too. They stayed until they knew that everything was ok and safe. Afterwards, Rob and I spent an hour trying to figure out the breaker system and turn on the concession registers again and the freezers and refridgerators without turning on the syrup towers. It was kinda scary. I'm still coughing like nuts from the smoke. >_<

incident reports here i come!

Confrontation

So, I've got to confront Dad about moving out. I just don't know how to do it, or when to do it.

Should i invite him to dinner and thank him for letting me live with him for almost a year and then break him the news then?

Should I tell him at home as I'm leaving?

Should Bobby be with me when I tell him?

I just don't know what would be the best way to tell him. There is no best way though...

If Bobby's with me he will probably yell at him and possibly try to hurt him. But, if he's not with me, Dad might try to hurt me, of course he will yell too, he'll probably accuse me of pregnancy, and he'll break down crying. He'll probably think Bobby's a coward for not being with me when i tell him.

I know my telling him of my new future will hurt him terribly. But, he doesn't know me at all. I'm not who I am around him. It's driving me nuts!

I'm afraid he might stalk me to figure out what apartment building i'm in and keep bothering me about all of this. Or make threats.

He's might tell me i'm a whore and that i'm going to hell for this. But i honestly don't give a damn what he thinks of me. He's an idiot who doesn't understand anything about life. >_<

I just don't know what to do!! I could be moving out on Saturday. (If not, Monday). What am I going to do? I don't have a good plan about all of this. >_<

I still would like to be friends with Dad and actually be honest about everything in my life, but...he will never understand and he will start badgering me about how terrible it is that I've been gambling, that i've been having sex, that i'm moving in with Bobby, that i've drunken alcohol before.

Why can't he just be mature and understand that this is how my life is???!

I'm afriad of what he might do....

originality

I love my sisters to death!

they are so vibrant and unique!!

i'm slightly jealous of them.

I want to be more in depth with literature, music, art, science etc.

I feel like I'm copying them sometimes in their interests.

Is that a bad thing?



On another note, I'm trying to figure out what i'm going to do for Bobby on Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, due to my carelessness, we are going to have conflicting work times that day. :( But, I'm going to find some time during Valentine's Day to do something nice for him. I'm thinking of writing a poem for him, but--i'm not that great at writing...this could be a several day procedure... :P

spur of the moment surprises

uggggh.

Dad threw another one at me. "lets go to Utah next week for charmie's birthday party that i'm throwing for her"

god damn it. every single time he wants me to go up with him to Utah, it's always too late and spur of the moment. I'm not able to get the work time off and had plans made for the sixth with one of my friend's birthday party at the lizard lounge.

I'm REALLY sorry Charmie and Tiffy that i won't be able to see you guys :( but, i love you both and miss you freaking tons!!!

five months

Its me and bobby's five month anniversary :)

I'm extremely happy!! :)

We don't have much planned for today, but he's on his way over to pick me up and we're going to ihop!! woooot!

after ihop...i have nooo idea what we're going to be doing, but we both have the day off and we're going to spend all of it together! yay!!!

things are back to how they used to be, its good. No more of that weird week where there was kind of edginess...


...dude, i am starving!!! i want strawberry french toast!!!! ahhhh!! :P yum yum!

IBS

....So, i think i have IBS. (irritable bowel syndrome)

It runs in the family apparently.

Went on webmd.com and looked up the symptoms and treatments about it all. (its a great website btw). I matched almost every single on of the million symptoms on there. @_@. uggggh. I think its more prominent now because of my stress levels (my work, financial situations, dealing with dad, moving in w/ my boyfriend etc.)

just alot of things are going on right now and its kinda stressing me out.

Like tonight, I had a mini pizza at work and within 1o minutes I was having abdominal problems that wouldnt subside for several hours. uggggh its so painful!!

More than likely this is all due to IBS, but i have a sneaking suspicion i might also have a stomach ulcer. Just, for the past month and a half whenever i eat my stomach is always giving me discomfort. >_<

anyhow, i'm going to do what mom told me to and try to treat it at home first and avoid the doctor, but if my symptoms remain the same--i'm going to need to see a doctor within this next week.

ugggg,

I think i'll try to destress myself. Meditate everyday and relax more and stop fretting over little things. :)

anyhow, i'm exhausted and need sleep.

g'night. ;)

ice scraping escapade

Soooooo...due to the inclement weather in Frisco, I closed down my building early around 9:45. :P I then left at 11:45.

I walk outside and almost fall on my ass from the ice covering the parking lot @_@.

I get to my car. and alas, the keyhole to my door was completely iced over. joy.

so i got out my work keys and scraped at that for awhile until i could stick my car key in there to unlock my damn door. Then, i throw everything in my car and get out my lame ice scraper and start to go at it on my front windshield. The ice was about 1/2-3/4 inch thick. I stood out there in the freezing rain for twenty minutes trying to get somewhere with the front of my windshield. Meanwhile, there were these idiotic guys zooming around the parking lot in their suv and skidding everywhere on the ice. Later on... they decide to stop near me and help me with my car. (i had progressed to getting a fourth of my windshield uncovered within those 20 minutes. )

i swear, these three guys were severely high. their eyes were all red and they were talking real wierd. kinda scared me for a bit... but, they were really nice enough to stop and help me out, or else i would've been out there for a good 50 min. more or so.

So, after they had finished helping me out i thanked them and went on my way. and then it took me an hour and ten minutes to get home. with extremely cold, wet feet no less... >:[(thank you terrible shoes w/ holes in the bottoms....)

I'm fucking pissed with texas weather. i've had enough of this. (just winter mainly...) my car freaking pisses me off too.... it can't even effing defrost my windows AT ALL!!! grrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm so frustrated..and tired...and cold.

damn. i'm going to take an angry nap now. >:[

Hostilities

To top off a rather emotional week...-_-

I've been getting into a couple of quarrels with Bobby. It really makes me sad. We promised we'd never get into arguments, but sometimes (really, just this past week) We've had a couple of ups and downs... I won't get into it, I think we're both just kinda tired and stressed is all, but i hope beyond anything that we will never be like what we've been this past week. :[

Its good though to know what annoys eachother, so that when we're moved in together we can avoid all this messiness...

I love him so much. I don't want to get him upset over silly things i do. :( It scares me though that we might end up unhappy later on. I DONT WANT THAT! AT ALL!!! :'(

ahhhh, i'm afraid.

One decision can change your path

I feel outside of the sisters at times...

With my new decisions, becoming someone different than I thought I would be.

Moving in with Bobby is such a huge step--I never thought I'd get this far with anyone...especially with my first relationship, but it feels right.

I live in Texas, on my own, away from everyone else. I still live with my Dad--who i avoid at all cost. Trying to relate to him is a challenge, and every day I spend living with him gets worse and worse. Its not terrible, i suppose i'm still slightly rebellious because i don't care about him, but still--i really want to move out. February 16th can't come any quicker. Soon, i'm going to feel really alienated once I tell Dad about who I'm moving in with. Not that i care if he never talks to me again, in fact, that would be excellent. At the same time though, not really having any family around sucks.

But, I do have Bobby and his family. :)

I really miss everyone. I miss the most random wierd things that we always talked about and did together. I feel like i'm becoming less of a person without those witty remarks from char, tiffany's awesome obsessions that i truly envy, nikki's crazy awesome ambitions etc.

I keep relating back to my past, and missing it more and more.

I've distanced myself from all of my friends. I don't have good friends at work anymore, I rarely ever talk to my old school friends. I dont' know what to do with myself. Am i just becoming this huge loner, who relies on her boyfriend for every bit of social insight? I need a friend again. It scares me if in some other freak world, bobby and i weren't together anymore. what would i do?? Who would i go to? Where would my life go?

I'm just really scared of more changes i guess....