I was just reading my patriarchal blessing a minute ago. I was writing in my journal and found it in the back and i read it.
Some things hit me like a rock on the head about a few things. Reading it now, it's so obvious that it tells that i'm being led away from the church. and that in a future life i will have to take covenants that will lead back to "his" presence. It was also talking about how being a mother will be the greatest responsibility that i will have. and bobby and i have been talking about kids for awhile and what we would do, how many we would have, names and everything--and it's becoming more realistic.
it also talks about how i will have times of discouragement and disappointment and difficult situations. when i read that, i had a sudden feeling of dread and immediately thought about bobby...i don't want to lose him, and don't know what i would do if he died.
I don't really believe in the church...some of the doctrine perhaps...in a sense...but i don't believe in mormon culture or wide belief. i don't really know what i believe. But this stuff that i just read inspired me to write this....
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
College!!!
I am so FREAKING EXCITED for college!! :) :) :) It's going to be awesome!! :D
I just put in my app for NCTC and now I need to send in my transcript and test scores. And thanks to my SAT scores I'm exempt from taking the THEA Test! score!! :P
What's really cool is that tuition is around 900 bucks (depending on the amount of classes I take.) 900 is for about 12 credit hours(which is full-student minimum requirement). I can't wait!!!! :]
I'm thinking of getting my Associate of Science with Discipline in Chemistry. (This may change....)
I can't wait to start my math classes and computer classes, and music classes, and literature and AHHH i'm getting way ahead of myself!!
I started looking at the FAFSA app. and trying to figure out whether I should use Mom and Bill's taxes...or Dad's. ...i'm thinking if i use dad's though, i'll probably end up getting more $$ in grants from the gov. :P I'm also starting to look at scholarships for the fall. and so hopefully, i won't have to pay for any of my college. hehehe. i dunno though, we'll see how things look later on.
I'm also looking up piano teachers in the lewisville, highland village, and flower mound area to see if i can get some one on one lessons to help me build my skills. I really want to pursue music, but I don't know if I can dedicate myself enough to major in music...hmm...i dunno. I'll probably stick w/ chemistry. If i do decide on a teacher for some private lessons, i'll have to use dad's piano to practice on...which i don't think he'll mind.
I asked Dad to go to lunch w/ me at the Cheesecake Factory and we patched up a bit...it's awkward though.
Well...i must get ready for work. GAH! i'm excited!!
I just put in my app for NCTC and now I need to send in my transcript and test scores. And thanks to my SAT scores I'm exempt from taking the THEA Test! score!! :P
What's really cool is that tuition is around 900 bucks (depending on the amount of classes I take.) 900 is for about 12 credit hours(which is full-student minimum requirement). I can't wait!!!! :]
I'm thinking of getting my Associate of Science with Discipline in Chemistry. (This may change....)
I can't wait to start my math classes and computer classes, and music classes, and literature and AHHH i'm getting way ahead of myself!!
I started looking at the FAFSA app. and trying to figure out whether I should use Mom and Bill's taxes...or Dad's. ...i'm thinking if i use dad's though, i'll probably end up getting more $$ in grants from the gov. :P I'm also starting to look at scholarships for the fall. and so hopefully, i won't have to pay for any of my college. hehehe. i dunno though, we'll see how things look later on.
I'm also looking up piano teachers in the lewisville, highland village, and flower mound area to see if i can get some one on one lessons to help me build my skills. I really want to pursue music, but I don't know if I can dedicate myself enough to major in music...hmm...i dunno. I'll probably stick w/ chemistry. If i do decide on a teacher for some private lessons, i'll have to use dad's piano to practice on...which i don't think he'll mind.
I asked Dad to go to lunch w/ me at the Cheesecake Factory and we patched up a bit...it's awkward though.
Well...i must get ready for work. GAH! i'm excited!!
Friday, April 17, 2009
clean clean clean
i've been cleaning all day! yay!!! :)
money is starting to get tight. i had to pay an unexpected 285 bucks for reassigning my title yesterday...and with my doctors appt being next week and before the next pay day...i'm having to take everything else out of my savings to pay for this visit b/c for some stupid reason it has to be paid in full..upfront. (what the crap! why don't they go through insurance agencies???) I dunno..i'm gonna call them and ask them about it. but, with the med. bills and finally finishing payments off my car, i'm left with almost nothing. i still think i can save up for college this fall..but it will be much harder...:( i hate money...again.
money is starting to get tight. i had to pay an unexpected 285 bucks for reassigning my title yesterday...and with my doctors appt being next week and before the next pay day...i'm having to take everything else out of my savings to pay for this visit b/c for some stupid reason it has to be paid in full..upfront. (what the crap! why don't they go through insurance agencies???) I dunno..i'm gonna call them and ask them about it. but, with the med. bills and finally finishing payments off my car, i'm left with almost nothing. i still think i can save up for college this fall..but it will be much harder...:( i hate money...again.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Another one.
death tends to hit more than once quickly.
It was really hard to deal with bobby's grandfathers death--i was crying pretty bad, even though i had never met the guy--i got to learn about him from his wife Peggy and from bobby's mother. He was such a vivacious guy who lived his life to the fullest and it's so unfair that he had to leave this earth prematurely due to cancer. He died at the age of 70. This was the first full funeral i'd been to before and when we first went through the doors to view his grandpa all of the women were weeping without end. Bobby had to step away to recollect himself and i gave him a huge hug...while hearing this and hugging him as he tried to fight back the tears--i felt surrounded by death and that there was a huge weight on me. Having that sudden feeling i started to cry silently and didn't let anyone see it. It was such an emotional time. there were several services over those three days. three viewings. and a service from the Moose Fraternity that his Grandfather was in for decades. Then there was a funeral procession. Bobby and I were in the fourth car behind the funeral car. We stopped at the Virginia Veteran Cemetary. There was a military service for Grandpa Billy. Bobby was a palmsbearer (or something like that..) and he was so respectful and dutiful. After the end of that service, they laid him in the earth to rest.
I felt so much closer to Bobby and his family during this time. I'm really glad i was able to be with Bobby during this hard time for him.
And now... Grandma Pat's having a hard time. I'm trying to find out what's the update on her wellbeing. If she passes, that'll be another that death takes... It's going to be hard...but i want to be there to support Mom and to help with arrangements.
It was really hard to deal with bobby's grandfathers death--i was crying pretty bad, even though i had never met the guy--i got to learn about him from his wife Peggy and from bobby's mother. He was such a vivacious guy who lived his life to the fullest and it's so unfair that he had to leave this earth prematurely due to cancer. He died at the age of 70. This was the first full funeral i'd been to before and when we first went through the doors to view his grandpa all of the women were weeping without end. Bobby had to step away to recollect himself and i gave him a huge hug...while hearing this and hugging him as he tried to fight back the tears--i felt surrounded by death and that there was a huge weight on me. Having that sudden feeling i started to cry silently and didn't let anyone see it. It was such an emotional time. there were several services over those three days. three viewings. and a service from the Moose Fraternity that his Grandfather was in for decades. Then there was a funeral procession. Bobby and I were in the fourth car behind the funeral car. We stopped at the Virginia Veteran Cemetary. There was a military service for Grandpa Billy. Bobby was a palmsbearer (or something like that..) and he was so respectful and dutiful. After the end of that service, they laid him in the earth to rest.
I felt so much closer to Bobby and his family during this time. I'm really glad i was able to be with Bobby during this hard time for him.
And now... Grandma Pat's having a hard time. I'm trying to find out what's the update on her wellbeing. If she passes, that'll be another that death takes... It's going to be hard...but i want to be there to support Mom and to help with arrangements.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
what to make of it
Bobby's grandfather just passed away this morning. I'd never seen Bobby cry before...:(
there will be a funeral for him in Virginia on Tuesday, i'm trying to work both of our schedules around so we can drive up there and be back by thursday. I'm not sure if i'm going to be able to go up there w/ him since i'm working tues-thurs, but i'm going to try.
I've nevert dealt with a death before...so--this is kind of awkward and i'm not sure how i should comfort bobby. He and his grandpa were pretty close.
...anyhow, just keep him and his family in your thoughts this week.
<3
there will be a funeral for him in Virginia on Tuesday, i'm trying to work both of our schedules around so we can drive up there and be back by thursday. I'm not sure if i'm going to be able to go up there w/ him since i'm working tues-thurs, but i'm going to try.
I've nevert dealt with a death before...so--this is kind of awkward and i'm not sure how i should comfort bobby. He and his grandpa were pretty close.
...anyhow, just keep him and his family in your thoughts this week.
<3
Thursday, April 2, 2009
apartment pictures
Bobby had some girl make this awesome butterfly balloon bracelet for me while at Buffalo Wild Wings MMMMM! YUM! :)
This is our built in bookcase. its got some nifty books and random stuff on it :)
This is the bedroom...dresser...and there's a window. Yay!
Took a picture of the sink in the bathroom. I caught myself in my penguin pj pants :P
The bed. woot. i love the kyo pillow and the GIANT teddy bear bobby got me for vday ;)
This is the living room...before the entertainment center...before the new set of couches..before the coffee table...before we unpacked a single thing :P
The kitchen counter...once we got our first set of groceries! woot! ...you can see our washer dryer in the closet there :P
The other half of the kitchen. woot microwave, oven, and fridge!
Bobby and I went to a gun show in Ft. Worth with his Dad Tom, and his Dad's girlfriend Lynne
Me and Bob in the car about to go to the gun show! hooray!
Still waiting in the car to go to the gun show :D As promised...these are kind of old photos of when we first moved in
... we now have some new furniture and i'll take some new photos once i've cleaned up a bit ;)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
medical bills
i. don't. like. money.
Going to see this other OB/GYN is going to be bloody expensive! They require their payments in full and upfront. wtf! what about my insurance policy that i pay over a hundred bucks a month for?! ARGH!!! Why must i waste my entire college savings on a car and my health! I'm saving about 300 bucks a month...but having spent 4000 on a car that i desperately needed....ive only got 500 in my savings... and my deductible for health insurance is 500 bucks...if i pay for this..i'm not going to have money for college! i'm financially screwed! **extremely frustrated!!**
why the hell did my car have to die on me?! if i can't get anything out of the fafsa...i may have to wait a whole nother bloody semester before i can start! I'M SO PISSED OFF!!!! i NEED to start school NOW! this is so lame....
if my car didn't die..i'd be set for my entire community college! argh! and if it weren't for this medical bill i'm gonna have to pay for--i'd at least have enough money for a years worth of community college. >:(
All i can do is not waste a penny on unneccessary things anymore...and MAYBE just MAYBE i can have enough again for a years worth of college. ...this sucks...ALOT!
...i don't know if i can afford this road trip now...
Going to see this other OB/GYN is going to be bloody expensive! They require their payments in full and upfront. wtf! what about my insurance policy that i pay over a hundred bucks a month for?! ARGH!!! Why must i waste my entire college savings on a car and my health! I'm saving about 300 bucks a month...but having spent 4000 on a car that i desperately needed....ive only got 500 in my savings... and my deductible for health insurance is 500 bucks...if i pay for this..i'm not going to have money for college! i'm financially screwed! **extremely frustrated!!**
why the hell did my car have to die on me?! if i can't get anything out of the fafsa...i may have to wait a whole nother bloody semester before i can start! I'M SO PISSED OFF!!!! i NEED to start school NOW! this is so lame....
if my car didn't die..i'd be set for my entire community college! argh! and if it weren't for this medical bill i'm gonna have to pay for--i'd at least have enough money for a years worth of community college. >:(
All i can do is not waste a penny on unneccessary things anymore...and MAYBE just MAYBE i can have enough again for a years worth of college. ...this sucks...ALOT!
...i don't know if i can afford this road trip now...
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