Hahaha...no but seriously...
Do any of you get in a weird funk where all you can do is feel depressed, stressed, angry, and cry all the time???
That's how I've been feeling for over a week now. And its hurting our relationship.... I can tell Bobby's getting tired of my sulking/crying/anger all the time. I can't help it though, I can't crack a smile for him...I just feel so smothered over by life being so repetitive, stupid, pointless, and I'm so angry and stressed over work. I had to work 52 hours this week and I had two exams and a paper...which I know I failed one of them. What the hell is wrong with me? Someone told my boss at work that I'm really upset with my job and how I'm thinking about quitting. So now I have to have a meeting with him when he gets back from vacation next week to explain why I'm feeling this way and why i'm thinking about quitting when I'm on the "high potential" list on the talent board. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyday i wake up and I say to myself, I just shouldn't go in today and quit. Screw them over. I really don't give a shit. I'm going to a job fair tomorrow to set up an interview with Best Buy...I hope I get a job there..but then again, I'm afraid that when I transfer to a different company, that my pay rate will lower to the point that Bobby and I can't afford our bills any more.
I feel like being lazy all the time and not doing anything about all the work I have to do. I feel like if I don't shut it out I will go insane. I think I need time off to really figure out what the hell I'm going to do..if i'm going to quit...or stick it out. I keep telling myself that I'm 19 years old...that I shouldn't have to feel like this. I should be care free and only have to worry about homework. But I'm sitting here, stressing and feeling hateful about work, getting stressed at school b/c I don't get enough sleep and can't get my homework done, and having to worry about my relationship with Bobby. I just want to pound my head on a concrete wall and just die. I'm so sick of everything. I think I need to see a psychiatrist.
I feel like Bobby and I never have time to just have fun together anymore. Work is always calling me about some shit or another, or we both have homework, or we are to fucking exhausted. I want a month off from everything. To recoop. to get my head screwed on right again. I haven't had time to think about the wedding at all. I want our wedding to be sooner than a year and a half away. Everytime I tell coworkers when the date is, they all respond with "Wow...that's a long time..." And i just stand there thinking yeah, it is a long time...and I keep thinking about it. But there's no better time to do it. Unless we did it this summer, but we don't have the money and I think this summer would be too soon.
I want to just drop everything and escape somewhere where I can be alone in the mountains and try to live like waldo emerson. Frugally and naturally. Caring about how insects live. Last night at 3am when I was getting off work, I took a moment to look at the stars. I hadn't been able to look at them, or even remember they were there in so long. There is SO MUCH MORE TO LIFE than FUCKING AMC! I WANT TO QUIT I WANT TO QUIT I WANT TO QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's true Jewels; you have A TON of crap on your shoulders, more than most 19 year olds. You have every reason to be stressed out. All I can really think to say is hang in there! Keep looking for a different job!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I feel angry or apathetic a lot of the time...for no legitimate reason. But you do have one...several in fact!! You deserve a break more than any of us.
What I can't believe is that someone ratted you out about your frustration with AMC. MAN!
I'm sorry I don't have any real advice, but if you wanna talk, just call!! I'm always happy to listen!
P.S. I LOVE the Moaning Myrtle reference. ;)
Ditto everything that Tiff said! I'm SO SORRY you've got so much on your plate right now. You're working harder than I am and it burns me that you're not getting a break.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried a temp agency? Sometimes they can find you good jobs, that's how I found mine. It's in their best interest to find you one that pays decently because they get a cut of your pay for the first three months or so, and then you can decide if you want to stay with whatever company. Once you decide to stay, your pay should go up. Kelly Services is the agency I used, but there are a lot of them out there. I dunno, just a thought.
Sounds to me like you just REALLY need a change of pace in your work life. I completely understand the urge to just walk in and QUIT. And if you're feeling that way, that job is sucking the soul out of you and deserves to be left behind in the dust. But I also understand being afraid about making ends meet. If you're reaching a breaking point, though, maybe ir is time to cut and run and devote all your free time to finding something else. It's really hard to job-hunt when you're a full-time worker AND student.
I don't know if this helps, but whatever you decide, I am here for you! I will try to call soon because I miss you my bunny!